my battery is low

close up photo of batteries
Photo by Hilary Halliwell on Pexels.com

There is a little red light

Flashing in my brain

Telling me it’s not alright

For him to be here again.

But I could spell it out

And still he wouldn’t see

The need for isolation

To recharge and just remember who

I am, and where I’m from and what I do.

My lovely dad is here at my flat… A LOT. I love him dearly but he is an extrovert and I am an introvert. I need my space. I need silence if I am going to recharge my batteries and not get ill. But he doesn’t understand that. And he is inviting himself over more and more.

I feel so bloody ungrateful because he does so much for us and yet I just want to sit in absolute silence and eat what I want to eat and watch what I want to watch and read when I want to read.

I’ve always been really sensitive to sound and I find the presence of another person really exhausting because they are constantly making noises. There was this one time that I had to go for a conference with work and dealing with all the coughing and sniffing and whispering was just too much. I ended up crying all the way home because my brain felt so scratchy, and I had to chug a lot of vodka just to settle that feeling.

Obviously, these days I don’t have the vodka to fall back on so I just have to bite my tongue and ride it out. But it actually hurts.

So how on earth do you tell somebody so nice, that you just want some space? It’s like kicking a puppy. And that really doesn’t make me feel very good about myself.

Much Love

Rachel xx

9 thoughts on “my battery is low

  1. Margot Kinberg

    I’m an introvert, too, so I know exactly how you feel. It’s not that you don’t care for and love others, but you do your best when you have plenty of time to yourself. I sometimes think it’s hard for extroverts to really have empathy for that, even if they know you and love you. That said, I also think this pandemic must be awful for extroverts, who thrive in the company of others.

    1. patientandkindlove

      I know, there are people I work with who are like puppies at the moment. They are so starved of human interaction that they just need constant attention. It’s quite sweet in small doses.

  2. clcouch123

    How difficult and frustrating. My father never visited me whenever I was grown and on my own. I imagine it is just as well. But I don’t know what to say about your situation. Would he accept a word to the wise?

  3. crispina kemp

    Tell him straight, usually the best way. Look Dad, I need a night on my own. I’ve things to sort in my head and I can’t do it when you’re around. I love you and all, and I really appreciate your company. But I do need time alone.
    I’m sure he’ll understand

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