returning to the known

Photo by Quenani Leal on

Those dusty corridors that occupied my mind

For months I tried to shake those lockers

Metal bending, warping with the memories

That once were sharp and rigid too

Holding all the information needed for

A smooth return to something so familiar

It’s like a dream that will recur

Several times a week, but then

There’s always ogres in the doorways

Ready for a gory pounce, to end that calm

That once immersed my body like the lake

That ripples as the water closes up

Over heads that thought they knew too much.

I’m going back to my first school placement tomorrow and I should be really excited because it’s familiar. But the familiar is actually scaring me a little bit. I thought that I was being ridiculous, but after speaking to the other trainees today, it seems that I’m not alone.

I though that going back to something that was known would be a breeze but I realise now that so many things are actually quite different, and that includes me. I’ve had to learn so much since Christmas so I bet I have learnt loads and really managed to put a lot of it into practice.

I think that I’m a bit worried that they will think I haven’t come on enough, but I must be doing OK because I got a job. I need to keep telling myself that these negative thoughts are possibly a load of rubbish.

We all need to be a bit nicer to ourselves and actually enjoy going back to see all the nice people who helped me during my first term. Wish me luck!

Much Love

Rachel xx

2 thoughts on “returning to the known

  1. Margot Kinberg

    Your post raises an interesting question: do we ever really go back? We change along the way, so the ‘we’ that lived in that place at that time is no more. It’s a whole different experience, even if it is in a lot of ways familiar. I know you’ll do a great job, but I can see why you feel some anxiety.

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