I could be anyone,
A cardboard cutout stood up there,
I’m just a figurehead,
A metaphor for people with
The power to make life
A living hell for her.
That’s sad, I know,
It hurts my heart to know
That someone yet to reach her teens
Can feel so terrified.
I had an iffy lesson today when one of my Year 8s just made my life a living hell. We had never met and the moment she stepped into my room she had it in for me. She was answering back, refusing to do the work and throwing things across the room.
At first, I felt really offended, but as I reflected on the lesson I realised that I stood for authority and it didn’t really matter who was stood in front of her; she would have behaved in the same way.
I can only imagine what it is that makes a twelve year old feel that they need to be that aggressive when they first meet someone? It’s fear that makes us behave badly, so what is it that she is so scared of? That thought scares me.
I’m having a restorative conversation with her tomorrow and I hope that in a one to one I can show her that I’m on her side, because what I saw today kind of freaked me out.
I hope that the kids like this find some peace as they get older because it must be exhausting to be that angry and frightened all of the time. But that doesn’t stop me from feeling extremely nervous about meeting with her tomorrow. I think that sometimes kids forget that us teachers have human feelings too.
Wish me luck!