The ring tone sounds and bile
Begins to rise within my throat,
The hope the I will just go through
To voicemail, an easy ride,
The chance to quash the worry of
Those blundered words and even worse,
Them shouting at me for my cheek
At daring to confront their cherubs,
The children with the sunshine
Pouring out of their behinds.
I have put off phoning parents all through my training year and now the first three weeks of my actual career. It’s ridiculous, but my anxiety about it just meant that I dodged it whenever I could. As far as I was concerned, they would not be on my side and they would just shout at me.
So today, I reached that point where I had no choice but to do it. And you know what? It wasn’t bad at all.
It went so well that I actually found myself pathetically having a little cry in the car on the way home. Just five years ago I didn’t think I was worthy of anything more than the retail jobs that I had been doing. I couldn’t imagine myself talking to important people or having difficult conversations.
I look at that version of myself and it’s hard to marry her up with who I am now. I’m not doing anything special, I’m just doing normal things that I never thought possible for me. It makes all that pain feel worthwhile knowing that now I can do anything if I just train myself to get through it.