kids just don’t understand

It would be nice if they could grasp

The enormity of words that roll

From tongues so barbed they hardly know

That deaths can flow from words like that.

One day they’ll turn and looking back

They’ll wish they’d held it back,

Regret the hurt they caused,

But now it’s just our fault, the adults

Who tell them what to do.

I made the biggest faux pas that a teacher can make today; I cried in front of a student.

They had pushed me all lesson and then rather than just letting me decompress at the end they came to my desk and continued to tell me what an awful person I was.

I don’t know what happened but the barrage of negativity reminded me of all the horrible things my mum would say to me once she had kicked out my dad. I did the exact same thing I did then and just covered my face and tried to block it out.

Unfortunately, this student was very much like my mother and didn’t realise that this was her cue to stop. I was eventually rescued by another teacher who thought that I was a student getting ganged up on.

This set in motion my horrible voice that tells me how evil I am and how I deserve to die and so I was in tears for about an hour, completely incapable of regaining control of my emotions.

I got there in the end and calmed down but I have been questioning myself all afternoon and evening. Am I really a horrible person? Do I go out of my way to pick on people? I hope the answer is ‘no’, but I could be wrong.

It has made me think about teenagers and their ability to empathise though. I tried so hard and these kids seem so unaware of the effects of their own behaviour. I do wonder if there will be a day when they look back and cringe. I just hope it’s not too cringey when we have a lesson next week!

Much Love

Rachel xx

4 thoughts on “kids just don’t understand

  1. Margot Kinberg

    Oh, I am so sorry this happened to you, Rachel. You are a human being, and you really can’t help it when you’re triggered like that. You are not a horrible person at all. Young people have little perspective and almost no awareness of how hurtful words can be. They just don’t get the consequences, which is one reason bullying is such a problem in those years. Take a deep breath and know that tomorrow is a new day, and next week is a new week.

  2. clcouch123

    This was a thoughtless diatribe, as many diatribes are. Thoughtless as in not thinking and also unkind. You withhold judgment so well and would rather turn it inward on yourself. That’s not necessary either, though I can understand how it might happen instinctively. I hope there is a cringey time for her, because sometimes communication is beyond roles and simply a matter of one human to another. And as time goes on, the more accountable in this we become. And there is training, and there are roles. You are a skilled and empathetic teacher.

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