a walking contradiction

black spiral stair
Photo by Robin Schreiner on Pexels.com

Black versus white

Should be desperately easy

To see the line of divide,

But over here in the shade

There are all kinds of grays

And soft, dusty lines.

One could say they’re pretty,

Others would say ugly,

Showing lack of direction

And a life that is wasted

On something not firm.

I always wonder if it’s ugly to speak and act in contradictions – because I know I do this all the time and I don’t think it’s particularly attractive.

I have this thing where I want to be good at sport, but refuse to train; I want a career and I can’t deal with the stress; I want a boyfriend but I don’t want to compromise.

I sometimes think that if my lines were less blurry I would be a much better human and perhaps I would have got a bit further along – whatever that means. It is comforting to know that there are others out there, just like me. They are jack of all trades and masters of none.

One day I’ll get my act together and be a master of something.

Much Love

Rachel xx

4 thoughts on “a walking contradiction

  1. clcouch123

    Your metaphor of living in the shade is so apt. I don’t know if this fits, I take an antidepressant to deal with heart trauma, and I honestly believe this helps blur the lines for me helpfully. Not because I’m buzzed (I’m not) but because I’m eased enough to appreciate the shades of gray in life–between other people and regarding issues and such. Not that I can recommendation this practice, because I know next to nothing about clinical treatment. But it’s part of my story now, and what you write about above reminds me of it.

  2. Margot Kinberg

    I think we’re all contradictory like that, Rachel. We want a healed planet, but we don’t want to give up what we’re accustomed to having, or to pay a lot. We want to feel healthy, but give up pub grub? Not so fast… Sooner or later, we work out what’s important enough that we’re willing to do the work for it.

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