It’s lonely up there at the front

With thirty pairs of judging eyes;

Those that want to sponge up words

While others want to spit them out

In violent torrents fired my way.

And when the castle’s under siege

And brickwork crumbles to the the ground,

It’s then you notice scaffold struts

And realise that an army stands behind

The ramparts that I ran along.

Help is always there so don’t

Let those little terrors tear you down!

I had my head of department come and speak to me today because a parent had phoned in and complained. A group of my lovely Year 10s had got to the end of their tethers with the two students who have been really rude to me.

As the teacher it is my responsibility to keep my class under control, so it immediately made me feel like I was being attacked. However, as I talked it through with my boss, I realised there was a whole level of support that I didn’t even realise was available.

I kept calm and now I can see that most of the time there is support there for when you are battling. I think that I have always gone into defence mode when things like this happen and I have really shot myself in the foot.

How many times have I self-sabotaged when someone was just trying to help? How many times have I packed up and left in fear, when there was really no need?

Teaching seems to be teaching me so many lessons about myself, in ways that I never would have expected. I had a little cry to myself in the car on the way home tonight – out of sadness for all the opportunities and loves that I may have lost over all these years. Things happen for a reason and I know that I had to go on my own journey, but it still hurts. Now I just have to make the most of what I have now.

Much Love

Rachel xx