I’ve read the books that you wished you had

And I raced through a degree

With a full time job.

I write poetry and books

And have critical thoughts on important themes.

But deep down we know that I’ve lied a lot,

I’m a little bit lazy and I skim those books,

I was drunk when I studied

And depressed when I passed

And I only found freedom

When I let down that mask.

I’m an English teacher but I sometimes feel way too dumb to do the job. I feel like a fraud and one of my darkest secrets is that I know zilch about Shakespeare.

When I did my degree in Literature, I had one free choice module and I did one on European politics. I hadn’t really read the timetables for the other courses, and it was only once I started the module that I realised I would not be able to do the Shakespeare module. And so, now I know nothing.

And then I did a postgraduate law conversion course while working full time and taking a foundation course at work. The law textbooks were huge and there was no way I was going to have time to read them. So I just used Wiki to write my essays.

During my Literature degree I never figured out how to access the freaking library so I never read an academic book.

I still haven’t got round to finishing Harry Potter.

The list goes on.

I’m just writing all this because we all cheat and make do, and we all puff up our achievements to make ourselves sound better. But really we’re all just scared little children too scared to ask someone how I’m supposed to borrow a book.

You’re not alone.

Much Love

Rachel xx