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Those moments in life, that take some time

To work their way through the canals of the brain,

Fitting with experience, making no sense

And then like a puzzle slotting in place

The picture grows clear and the lessons are learned.

I had such a weird Friday and I had to spend some time just sitting quietly and processing what had happened. To most, it would appear a bit of a non-event, but it brought back some memories that I’d rather not dwell on.

Basically, it was decided that the girl who has caused me so many sleepless nights is going to be moved out of my class. It was decided that the relationship was beyond repair and I was going to get ill if it continued.

I obviously had to sit in the meeting with the girl and she didn’t take it particularly well. I’m still not why she took it so badly because she effectively got what she wanted -she’s got a teacher that is not me.

I think the reasons I found it so difficult were because I’ve been that girl, being told that my behaviour is unacceptable, and I just wanted everyone to understand how much pain I was in. Was she just being a dick or was she in pain like I was? If she was then she must hate me even more for giving up on her.

And then there’s the issue with ‘giving up’ on anyone. Nobody gets into teaching to just cast aside the difficult ones. Is that what I did this week?

I’ve spent today trying to reason with myself so that I don’t go insane. I may have had a small failure here, but I do really need to hang onto the fact that if I got so stressed that I was signed off I’d be no good to anyone. And now I can concentrate on the other 29 kids in the class who also deserve an education.

So perhaps the right decisions were made.

Much Love

Rachel xx

4 thoughts on “Processing…

  1. Margot Kinberg

    You were definitely in a difficult situation. It sounds to me (and, of course, I have no right to speak, since I’ve never even seen this student) that she is hurting very badly. But (and this is important, in my view) she needs help that you’re not professionally prepared to give her. What’s more, you can be compassionate without sacrificing your mental health. All in all, the right decision probably was made.

  2. Christopher

    I can’t think of any knowing thing to say. It was an increasingly difficult situation, and now both of you get a break. Frankly, my bias is toward you and the 29 learners you can now deal with more concertedly. And they with you.

    1. patientandkindlove

      Yep, we get into teaching to give as many people as we can, the start that they deserve. It is a shame that most of our time is taken with just a handful of students – to the detriment of the others.

      1. clcouch123

        You will reach many, though. Sometimes you’ll know; mostly you won’t. I found this to be the case, anyway. I always figured teaching was seed-planting.

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