It pinches at the toes, rubbing the little one
With every step. I yearn for socks
Or Vaseline, or anything to cover up
That sore spot, raw and red.
It shouldn’t be this painful but
We sometimes need to feel that pinch
To learn from what we’ve done.
I’m having a bit of a tough time with my problem student and most of that toughness is coming from the fact that it’s bringing up lots of pain I’ve buried for a few years.
When I left my job at the forest, I hated the people that I had worked for. However, in reality I realise that I was scared.
Now that I’m much stronger and finding myself in positions that are more powerful, I’m finding myself in the same situations but I am on the other side; essentially, the shoe is now on the other foot.
Today I bumped into that girl in the corridor and she turned to get away from me. She walked away so quickly that she almost walked right into the wall. This obviously really hurt my feelings and I went straight to my room and felt myself welling up.
But then I remembered behaving in exactly the same way when I saw my boss after I had been let go. I turned and ran, just like this girl did. I didn’t run because I hated her though; I ran because I was terrified.
We all act in ways that are sure to hurt each other, and more often than not, we are acting out of fear. If humans could find some way to get over that crippling fear we have, that we have let people down or that we are going to be shamed, if we could let go of that, the world would be a much nicer place.
One thing I do know is that having the shoe on the other foot has really helped me to wade through this shit show!