I can get under your skin, miss,
For no particular reason,
I just quite like watching you squirm,
Seeing that flash behind your eyes.
I’ll move on next week
To my next one in line,
There I’ll get my fix, one more time.
I have a student who has a lot of behavioural problems and is regularly excluded from school – so I am fully aware that this isn’t just about me. But this kid has said some pretty brutal things to me over the past few days, and I wonder what goes through the heads of these students as they say what they say.
I am finding that I’m tough enough to laugh it off now, but I do find myself walking away and having a bit of a wobble. Today, he asked me if I’d actually done any teacher training because I don’t know how to control the tutor group.
Now, our tutor group is nuts so he’s not wrong in saying that I can’t control them – but nobody has managed to so the fact that I’m not giving up on them says something about me (I think). But still, as I walked to my next class I found myself letting his words get under my skin.
I know that this shows my own lack in confidence, but I’m also left wondering what is going on in his head. Does he want to hurt me? Maybe he wants to see me cry? Or is he hurting and displacing those feelings?
Interestingly, the moment I tried to talk about his feelings, he bolted. I assume there is something niggling away at him that hurts an awful lot when it’s poked – and that makes me feel sad for him.
Much Love
Rachel xx
Margot Kinberg
My guess is, he is hurting badly from something. Kids do react that way when they’ve been wounded. Little wonder he was so quick to bolt when you brought it up. As to what goes through their minds? I honestly don’t think they think about the impact of what they say and do, really – I mean the long-term impact. And if it eases their pain a bit, so much the better, from their perspective.
patientandkindlove
Yep, I do worry what they face at home. I think that they have no outlet, no parent asking how they are and making them feel safe. It must be a horrible feeling.
juliadeniro
It sounds like something is really bothering him. Does your school have a counselor? Maybe you can recommend him to see the counselor if you have one.
patientandkindlove
We have Heads of Houses who look after the pastoral stuff. This student is excluded every other day so I think that it’s going to be difficult to even keep him in school. It’s very sad because I fear that when he’s older he is going to end up in the prison system. It feels like such a waste of a life and it’s just because we haven’t got the resources to help. I know that sounds really defeatist but there are some kids who just don’t seem reachable.
juliadeniro
I’m sorry to hear that.