a holiday to think

green car near seashore with blue ocean
Photo by Simon Berger on Pexels.com

To stop and hold my breath

And let my thoughts bloom out

Like watercolours on the page,

Changing shape in ways we can’t predict,

But once the page is stained with paint

Those thoughts can never change.

I hate week long holidays because they are never long enough to fully relax. I spend the entire time worrying about what has just happened in the previous term, and then from Wednesday, I’m worrying about what is to come.

One interesting thing I have found with this half term is that jobs for next year start to come out and so there is that added anxiety over whether to jump or stay put.

My last half term felt a bit rocky, so my normal reaction in times like this is to run for the hills. But I also realise that hasn’t always worked out so well for me in the past. I always wonder why others have better luck than me, and really it seems to boil down to their ability to see things out.

I still have that nagging feeling that I’m going to get the sack but I also know that others have that feeling that they’re failing and it’s what you do with that that will set you apart from others.

I’m being given the opportunity to really get my head down and shape myself into the best teacher I can possibly be and so running away from that doesn’t seem to be the sensible option. So this time I’m going to risk failing and stick with it. I hope you have the chance to stick with something too; it would be fun to compare notes when the dust has settled and we all know the final score…

Much Love

Rachel xx

4 thoughts on “a holiday to think

  1. Margot Kinberg

    Sometimes the hardest thing to do is stay put when you feel that anxiety and just want to run. I think that’s a natural reaction, actually. Good on you to be strong, see it through, and learn what you can about being an excellent teacher. That’s how excellent teachers make themselves.

    1. patientandkindlove

      Yes, if you can’t take criticism and you’re always running from it there is no way that you can get better at anything. It still hurts to hear it though. And sometimes the thought of jumping before you’re pushed is much more comforting.

  2. clcouch123

    I think it’s good you’re applying effort and endurance to the work you have before you now. Your best sense of discretion should guide you for the future. I hope you have and find good people to consult with.

    1. patientandkindlove

      I think I have found good people. It’s my own insecurities that cause me to question what is going to happen next. I’m always thinking that everyone is plotting to get me out and I need to stop it or it will just ruin opportunity after opportunity.

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