bone achingly tired

alone bed bedroom blur
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Everyone is talking about me, or so I think.

I can hear their whispers in my tired brain,

Pulling me to pieces, wanting me hurt

And scratching the brain that needs its repair

Like the burgeoning lungs need plentiful air.

When I run 100 milers I get very tired during the night and I find that I’m really susceptible to hallucinations. I once asked a tree for directions and I also once saw a group of people having a hot tub party on the side of a trail.

I don’t know whether this ease at which my brain fills in the gaps when I’m tired is transferable between running and working, but I do find that I get a little bit paranoid when the end of term is coming and my brain is getting tired.

The last few days, I have felt convinced that people are talking about me and that they know my inner feelings and therefore how to pick away at me.

The rational part of my brain wants to believe that it’s a load of crap but there is such a large part of me that’s convinced it’s true.

I know from teacher training, that the greater the cognitive overload the more tired your brain gets. And I’m in my first year, so I’m still learning – and that means this brain ache is inevitable.

I just need to be careful, give myself a bit of self love and then just free wheel into the Easter holidays when I can have all the sleep my heart desires.

Much Love

Rachel xx

One thought on “bone achingly tired

  1. Margot Kinberg

    Your last paragraph is really insightful. When you have those exhausted times, and it feels as though everything is going against you, and your brain is struggling, you do need to step back, forgive yourself, and give yourself some care. You are doing a difficult job for the first time. You also, at times, don’t get the support you deserve (teachers often don’t). So of course you’ll be drained at times. Understanding that will help you take care of yourself when you need to do that.

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