One more day to act like a human,
To do the work and smile,
To show the world I have a tiny bit
Of control in a place that has none.
I have real issues with control and I’ve always felt like I don’t have a lot of say over my life. I’ve always thought that other people will exercise their power over me and I just have to bend to their every whim.
I guess that’s probably why I love my home, because it’s my space and nobody can hurt me here. And when I run, it’s just the sound of my feet on the pavement and the breath in my lungs. Nobody is telling me I can’t do it; that’s up to me to decide.
I also think that’s probably why I get so exhausted at work, because it’s very tiring to constantly worry that everyone wants to get you fired or to get you in trouble with the police.
I know that it sounds crazy to most people, but I hope that there are a few people that read this that understand that horrible feeling of free falling and not having the ability to even grab onto something.
Much Love
Rachel xx
Margot Kinberg
I think we all have those issues, Rachel. If it’s not control, it’s emotional closeness or something else. I’m glad you know that about yourself, so that you remind yourself it’s all going to be OK. And then you can rest up and re-charge in your own space, and that’ll help, too. Each time you get through a week, it gets a little easier.
patientandkindlove
Well, I made it and apparently the summer term is the most pleasant because all the fun stuff happens then.
clcouch123
The fearful part of me worries about the things that worry you. Even the police part. I’ve not had the most even life; in fact, it got off to rollercoaster start, and the ride has yet to stop. I don’t mean stop with death; I mean stop with something easier. I have gained some confidence; and in my years of teaching, I strove to appreciate the attitude and exercise of being close to students while keeping distance, too. And even that way with my colleagues, since only a few became friends outside of school. I hope I’m saying satisfactorily that I can relate. And I aimed more and more to find pleasure in each day at work and elsewhere and also to enjoy the breaks, the quiet times when I could breathe, be lazy, or what have you. So lead on, teacher!
patientandkindlove
Balancing it all is definitely a difficult task. The breaks are always so badly needed that I feel like I’m limping into the finish line.