feeling too attached for my own good

a close up shot of rubber bands
Photo by Kindel Media on Pexels.com

The bonds are like the rubber bands

I wrap around the homework bundles

Cutting into paper edges, tight

Uncomfortable but also comforting

A paradox, if ever you have felt that way?

But sometimes they must snap away

Stinging skin but making room

To breathe and be myself again.

I don’t know about other people but, I get really attached to places once I get involved and it really surprises me how strong those bonds are once they have been wrapped around me.

I have a job possibility that has just come up, really close to home so there would be no need to drive. It is also a nice small school and the behaviour is much better than where I am.

I asked Noah what I should do and I didn’t even manage to finish my sentence and he had said ‘go for it’. That tells me that maybe this could be a good move – don’t forget I drive for an hour a day and petrol has gone up by over 50% since I started my job last year.

I wish that I didn’t have this need to please people who probably don’t care all that much about me. I really do like the people I work with but I have no best friend or impending promotion, so why am I procrastinating? Why do I find this so bloody hard? Do you feel unbearably attached to workplaces or teams when there’s little to keep you there?

Much Love

Rachel xx

8 thoughts on “feeling too attached for my own good

  1. Margot Kinberg

    Oh, my, what an opportunity, Rachel! I can completely understand your being drawn to the familiar, especially when you’re just finding your place there. But this sounds soooooooooooooo tempting!!! Wishing you well!

    1. patientandkindlove

      I know! But every human has made a knee jerk decision that they have regretted and I don’t want to do that. I do know a few people who work there though so I can scope the place out a bit.

  2. Smelly Socks and Garden Peas

    I’ve been in my job 15 years and have to deal with one particular arsehole who make life difficult. An opportunity came up with my husband’s company, interesting and great working conditions and no arsehole. Like you, I was ambivalent but applied – turned out to be a 25% pay cut so a non-starter. Even if it had gone further I would have really struggled to leave where I am, but then I have excellent work friends and strong ties to my teams. It doesn’t sound like you have that. Maybe put your CV in and see what happens, you can withdraw at any point and it’s not a betrayal really, even if it feels that way.

  3. Greg Dennison

    Good luck with your decision. The places where there was little to keep me there I usually feel no attachment to, if not a flat-out desire to get out. There is a lot I despise about what my home state has become, but unlike most people like me, I also have strong reasons to stay, so that’s different.

    1. patientandkindlove

      I know what you mean. This decision is hard because besides the behaviour I do love where I am. I just have a gut feeling that this other place will be even better. This weekend is going to involve a lot of hard thinking.

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