Sitting on a sagging sofa,
My body just as deflated, staring
At the blank TV screen
Wishing it could give me answers
To all these questions swirling
Round my head, my arms, my legs
And freezing joints to solid stone.
I know I’ve written about my tendency to freeze before, but it’s been a problem again this weekend and I feel that writing about it is helpful to me, and hopefully to others – because knowing that you are not alone is so important.
I have so many big decisions to make if I get this job on Tuesday and rather than getting on with everything that needs to be done, I have found myself sitting on my sofa, not even watching the telly. I have literally just been staring at the blank screen and playing every possible outcome in my mind.
Some people run and some people fight, but I fall into the freeze category and I just do nothing. It is a horrible feeling to know that you have so much to do and yet you feel like you can barely move.
And it can be quite ‘dangerous’ to try and do things when I’m in this state. I have missed turn offs and gotten lost while driving because I’ve zoned out and I sometimes struggle to follow what people are saying to me as my mind is going so quickly.
I’m calming myself down as best I can, but I just have to accept that whatever happens this week, it’s going to be a bit of an uncomfortable one. Wish me luck.
4 thoughts on “i froze up again”
You definitely have a lot to think about, Rachel. I’m not surprised you’re feeling a little frozen up. There are so many decisions to be made, etc.. One step at a time, one breath at a time, and you’ll get through it. Trying to plan it all out at one time is too much for anyone. Take it one thing at a time.
It’s like dissociation…. Thinking about everything all at once and not being able to even speak.
I wish you luck this week. I hope good and helpful thoughts guide you especially in any decision-making.
Smelly Socks and Garden Peas
I won’t wish you luck because what will be will be and you can only be you. I hope that you get a feeling about the new job and that feeling guides you to make the right choice for you.