anger dredged up, year after year

seascape of a turquoise water under a pink sunset sky
Photo by Ben Mack on

Those painful feelings bubble up

Year after year, the sun in the sky

And the state of the leaves on the trees

Remind us that one more year has passed

And nothing much has changed,

The wounds are still raw.

It is coming towards the end of August which means that there is an influx of shows about Princess Diana and her death on the TV. I do find the whole case interesting and I’m not opposed to watching them, but it does remind me how we do like to dredge up painful memories, year after year.

A lot of people in this country are very angry at Prince Harry because he went off to America, but we have to understand that he is angry about what happened to his mum. Watching it play out every year must have made his blood boil, and then to see his wife being hounded by the press must have brought all of those feelings closer to the surface.

And we all do it.

We all have anniversaries of deaths or break ups that play on our mind every year that they roll around. For years after I found out that my husband was having an affair I suffered from severe anxiety and depression that intensified in May.

I wouldn’t even consciously notice it coming on. The weather would start to get warm and the leaves on the trees would burst out and it was if my body just subconsciously reacted. By the time it hit the end of June I would be in a state of crisis and it would suddenly dawn on me that it had happened again.

I do wonder why we insist on reliving this pain, even if we don’t actually mean to. We could live such happy lives if we could just leave that pain in the past. I guess that one positive is that if it hurts enough we learn not to do it again!

Much Love

Rachel xx

One thought on “anger dredged up, year after year

  1. Margot Kinberg

    I think it’s very hard to leave pain behind, Rachel. If we’re hurting, at least we are remembering the one we lost, and being faithful to that person’s memory. Of course, as you say, we’re also holding on to pain that we don’t need to hold. To me, it’s a matter of finding new ways to face life, and new ways to remember those we’ve lost. It’s a lot easier to say than to do, but still…

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