those awkward conversations i can’t handle

You cringe and squirm, waiting

For that moment when the words

Are spoken and you cannot leave

Without an answer, standing up

To phrases that will really hurt

And pelt your body with

The fury of a thousand rocks

Thrown with hateful rage.

I have had a few awkward conversations with students in my tutor group group recently. And I have to say that it has been really helpful in my own personal development, as I’m pretty crap at having difficult chats with people.

There has been something really healing for me in learning how to have these discussions with tutees who are only eleven twelve, because the stakes are so much lower. None of them are going to lose a job, or a spouse, or their home if they get something wrong.

And so it’s been such good practice for me, because I’m getting to try these things out in a relatively low stakes environment before I ever have to have similar chats with adults.

I know that my difficulties are my own fault because I drank to avoid such situations, and that’s why I’m about as emotionally mature as a fifteen or sixteen year old. But I’m coming on in leaps and bounds and I am thankful to my tutor group for helping me get there.

Thank you and much love

Rachel xx

2 thoughts on “those awkward conversations i can’t handle

  1. Margot Kinberg

    Awkward conversations are never easy, are they, Rachel? But I think it is important to learn how to have them. Not only is it helping you – for which I’m glad – but it’s also helping your students learn how to be honest in those awkward situations, and grow from them.

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