on giving up a tiny bit

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The inches turn to miles

And they can’t be made

Up to any decent race,

So you just throw in the towel

Hope that no one notices

As you slink away with tail

Between your legs and wounds are licked

Because it’s never easy really.

Is it?

I had a stinker of a day on Tuesday and I actually felt so bad I was just wanting to throw in the towel and give up teaching. I thought that students were rude and the lessons were pointless and there was just no reason to carry on.

But then you are faced with a fork in the road and you have to decide. Do I carry on with what I started, or do I do something new?

And then this opens up a whole new set of questions. What could I do that would be any better than this? Would it feel too painful to just walk away? Am I closing down doors in staying? What am I worth as a person? How do I even measure my success?

In the end I chalked it up to a bad day and I carried on. But it made me think of all the people who have faced that decision, particularly in these caring roles. There are so many that have walked away and I wonder how much talent has been lost over the years.

It was a horrible moment, to feel like I was on that precipice, looking down. But ultimately, some of these tougher moments get us to pause and look inside and evaluate our lives in a way you normally don’t. And I came to the conclusion that I’m on the right path.

I just need to suck it up, buttercup.

Much Love

Rachel xx

3 thoughts on “on giving up a tiny bit

  1. Margot Kinberg

    I’ve had those times, too, Rachel, and they really can be hard. I felt that way when I was doing my doctoral studies, and more than once since I started teaching. At some point, I think you have to make a conscious decision that you will do the job and get it done as best you can. It’s a bit like hitting the wall when you run, and getting past that. Good for you to have the strength to go on, even when it’s tough.

  2. clcouch123

    You’ll make up your own mind, naturally, though I’m glad you are persisting as a teacher. There are skills and an idealism you have and understand that complement the calling.

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