we lost something today

Turning on the flourescent screen and yawning

Waiting for them all to stream in screaming

And making a fuss about who’s dating who

In their silly eleven year old way, windows steaming

As I wonder what I lost for this.

The alcohol, the later nights and arguments,

It was all great fun but the laughter rules

Bouncing around my classroom, high on sugar

And unaware that my this cost me my mother,

It cost me my home, but strangely

They’re worth it.

I really believe that it’s possible to turn your life around. I don’t blindly think that you can get whatever you want if you just dream of it for long enough – even hard work doesn’t bring whatever you want, otherwise we’d all be Olympic medallists and pop stars.

But, I do believe that you can turn it around.

Unfortunately, I also find that whenever you get something, you inevitably have to lose something in order to make room. When I was drinking, I prayed for a day when I could have a career and a home and stability, and now I have it.

That comes at a cost though. After all, drinking was fun, and the drama that came with it was exciting. And then there was my mother. She kept me in my place and now that I’m behaving like an adult, I have lost her.

Life seems to be about choices, and painful ones at that. I’ve made my choices and some of them have screwed me over. But some have brought joy and beauty into my life, and perhaps the doors that have closed have done so for a reason.

Much Love

Rachel xx

One thought on “we lost something today

  1. Margot Kinberg

    You’re so right, Rachel. Everything – even wonderful things – come at a cost. You marry someone you deeply love, and it’s a good marriage, but it’s at the cost of the sort of social life you once had. You choose to work for Company A, but it means you give up the chance to work at Company B. The question really is, which is worth more: what you give up or what you get?

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