all eyes on you

They’re all staring at you,

And you know why,

You know perfectly well,

You know all the things

That you’ve done horribly wrong

And so do they,

They’re onto you

So sink down in your chair

And act like you don’t have a clue.

I have always had this paranoia issue, where I genuinely think I’m about to get fired. I think it must come from childhood and the fact that mum would completely cut me out if I put a foot wrong. Now, as an adult, I can do the most ridiculous thing wrong and I’m convinced that it’s the end of my career.

And this always comes to a head at staff meetings. If we get pulled into a big meeting where there can be up to 200 people in the room, I am convinced that it’s all about me; I’m convinced that the head teacher is looking directly at me and saying ‘I see you and you’re for the chopping block at the first possible opportunity.’

I had that feeling today, and it was mighty uncomfortable. I had two or three things go wrong and then when we had a full staff meeting I was obsessed with the idea that it was directed at me. I’m currently trying to decompress and remind myself that my head has got the better of me and I’m not going to end up starving and on the streets by August!

Much Love

Rachel xx

One thought on “all eyes on you

  1. Margot Kinberg

    That is *such* an uncomfortable feeling, isn’t it, Rachel? You know it’s not true – that most people aren’t staring at and talking about you – but it still feels as though they are. I’m glad you were able to keep your perspective about that staff meeting. They really aren’t all talking about you, as you know…

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