we actually had to talk to each other

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The little box that sits in the hall

By the telephone, innocuous and silent,

Constant and loving, always there.

And then one day, it begins to flash

An angry red, spreading its evil

Through a house once filled with lovely wifi.

Now it’s gone and the family crumbles

As we drift like zombies, through quiet rooms –

The unimaginable has happened, the internet’s down

And talking to each other

Is the only thing left to do.

I am joking, obviously. The internet went down and we did end up talking to each other. But it was really pleasant and it was nice to sit with Noah and spend a few hours in his company. He even came food shopping with me, which is a very rare event.

It’s amazing how a night with no wifi can change the way we all behave. I do enjoy having the internet and the ability to connect with people all over the world, but sometimes I think it would be so much nicer to go back to a time before we were ruled by it.

At least I could have some help carrying the shopping, if nothing else.

Much Love

Rachel xx

the vigil that got me

Watching the Queen’s children standing vigil around her coffin this evening was probably the first time that I felt truly touched and emotional since the news on Thursday.

I’ve obviously felt sad, but I really felt that human connection as I watched the four of them standing silently as the general public continued to file into the chapel.

I remember when my nan died, my aunt was so overcome that she literally threw herself on the coffin and began sobbing. Watching the sadness on Charles’ face just brought all those memories back to the surface.

People have been commenting on how ‘rude’ he was when he signed the papers in the throne room on Saturday, but I think that we were all forgetting the most important factor in all of this – he may be the King of England, but he has just lost his mum and that is crushing.

I felt a tear or two escaping as I sat and watched for those ten minutes. Moments like that are normally very personal and private and those poor people have had to play this all out very publicly.

I just hope that in between all of the many public engagements that they all need to attend, that they can grasp those few moments of quiet reflection so that they can recharge.

Much Love

Rachel xx

i felt like she needed a hug

I do apologise for all of the royal commentary at the moment, but over here we are having wall to wall coverage so it feels as though it’s the only thing anyone is talking about.

And I’m even more sorry to harp on about the ‘Fab Four’ of William, Catherine, Harry and Meghan because I know that it’s a story people can get slightly fed up with. Even I am starting to feel tired of reading the bitching that goes on between the people who support either side.

I actually love them all equally. I think that at all four of them have met different struggles along their journeys – struggles us mortals can’t really comprehend. Perhaps some have made some mistakes along the way, but that is what is both beautiful and messy about being human.

The moment yesterday, that caught my attention the most, was the moment when a fourteen year old local girl asked Meghan if she could hug her. When she was later interviewed by the media she said that she did it because she wanted Meghan to know that she was welcome here, after everything that she has been through.

I can only imagine the fear that Meghan must have felt yesterday and I think she’s really brave for stepping out in front of a media that has been really nasty to her. And I’m sure that if she heard what that girl said, it would have helped her feel loved.

It was interesting to look at the photo of the hug and see just how tightly Meghan was holding onto the girl. She needed that hug, and I’m glad that a little angel was put in the crowd to give her what she needed.

Much Love

Rachel xx

we do funny things in grief

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Some of the analysis of today’s events has been quite interesting to read. There are obviously so many people ready to jump to conclusions and read into just the smallest of words or mannerisms.

This can be problematic because the people that we are watching closely – the royals – are grieving for a mother and grandmother. And none of us ever act normally when we are gripped by grief.

Today, Kate and William invited Harry and Megan to come on the walkabout outside Windsor Castle and the whole world seemed to have an opinionon everything they saw.

I read anger into almost anything, probably because of a strict upbringing; if I did even the smallest thing wrong my mother would fly off the handle. I am aware that I am overly sensitive on this front, and very often, I am way off the mark and the person who scowled at me was just squinting in the sun.

But I couldn’t help but notice the distance between Kate and William as they walked down the driveway. I hope that my damaged little brain is just overreacting again, because I idolise Kate and William.

Grief does funny things to the way we behave, and perhaps Kate just powers through the sadness, and that’s how she copes. My dad is the most unemotional person in the world and when his dad passed away it hit him so hard that he couldn’t work for six moths. The reaction was totally unexpected, but what can be expected when you’ve lost somebody you’ve known forever?

I hope that they are all OK and my thoughts and prayers are with the whole family.

Much Love

Rachel xx

handbags and marmalade sandwiches

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She was tired on Thursday afternoon,

And she knew that soon she’d have to leave,

So she packed a handbag with her favourite things:

Some dog treats for the corgis and

A pair of gloves for royal waves to loving crowds,

And don’t forget the sandwich spread with marmalade

We learnt she loved a few months back in June.

She slipped her hat upon her head,

A pair of shiny shoes on feet and off she marched

Up and up on marble steps that led straight to

The clouds and gates where one man waits,

A smile upon his face, and hand outstretched;

‘Welcome Lilibet, my love,’ he whispers in her ear.

‘Now we’ll never be apart – we’ll be happy here.’

I love your face

I love you wearing red

Because it brings out your facial expressions.

I love your eyes

Because they make you look really old.

I love your dress

Because it looks like my mum’s curtains.

And I really love your scent

Because it smells a little bit like cheese.

I absolutely love it when people try hard to flirt, and it just falls flat. And I don’t mean bad chat up lines, I mean lines that are probably more likely to offend than flatter (unintentionally, obviously).

I would far rather a guy tell me I smell like cheese because he likes that fragrance than some cheesy small talk (excuse the pun).

Much Love

Rachel xx

so what do you think of the new girl?

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Do you like the colour of her hair?

Do you like what she wore today?

Do you think she’ll do a good job?

Should we all just talk on Twitter

About what a terrible mess she’ll make?

And would the same rules apply

If she were a posh man?

So, we have another new Prime Minister in this country. It feels like the Conservatives have served us up a revolving door of candidates – we bring one on, slag them off until they have no choice but to leave and then we start on the next.

It’s a really punishing position to be in and I can’t quite work out why anyone would want to put themself through it. And, as much as I hate to say it, I think that women have it even harder than men.

When Boris was voted in, half the country were very happy with their decision and they were very vocal about how great they thought he was. If you go on Twitter today, you get a very different vibe, and probably the same people who voted for him, are now going as far as wishing him dead.

Now Liz Truss has been voted in, the conversations are very different. I overheard someone in the park saying ‘so, it’s a woman they chose’. Why is that even a relevant question? Nobody was commenting on the fact that Boris was a man three years ago.

And there is a real sense of distrust in the online comments. Can she do the job? Does she have the experience? Does she have chubby ankles? These are questions that were not asked of Boris.

Perhaps we should just let the new girl get on with it. Who knows, she might surprise you…

Much Love

Rachel xx

why are animals so perfect?

I think that everyone has anxiety gnaw at the frayed edges of their nerves at some point or another. And if not, then they will sometimes feel crushing disappointment or gut wrenching sadness.

And where can we always turn in those difficult times?

To animals.

I have a cat and because he is deaf he can be a bit of dick sometimes. And yet he brings me so much peace when I’m struggling with life.

But even if we don’t have a physical animal to hold and to stroke, even pictures and videos of animals seem to calm us and make us smile. There is a reason that the internet seems to have been invented for the distribution of cat videos. It’s because they are necessary to our survival.

This is a public service announcement-style post, so other animals that you can turn to in times of distress are: dogs in shoes, pandas in any form, baby elephants and most monkeys.

You are welcome.

Much Love

Rachel xx

giving out small doses of advice

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She gives out little doses like medicine,

Small capsules or pills, easy to swallow

And hopefully helpful too.

She’s aware that they watch her

And scribble their notes

And she hopes that their nodding

Shows that they’re liking the things that they see.

So, I am still suffering from imposter syndrome and I fear that it will never ever leave me. I am only just entering my second year of teaching so I am still so new to the profession, and therefore it makes sense that I might still feel this way.

However, now that I’m not a first year, I am getting trainees coming into my class and watching what I do – and worse still, they are taking notes!

I think a lot of the problems come from the fact that I don’t feel much older than some of the students that I teach and so I don’t feel mature enough to teach, let alone have people look at the way I teach.

It is slightly wonderful though, knowing that I am allowed to have trainees in, and there might be things that they see me do, that they like and that they use intheir own practice in the future.

The fact that I am seeing things in this way, shows that I’ve probably matured a lot over the last two years of this journey. Feeling confident enough to offer advice is something I never thought would happen. And yet, here I am.

Much Love

Rachel xx

first day headaches

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No more room for useless info

As vital bits have clogged my head

And now the booming has set in

So all I need is my sweet bed.

My head hurts! I didn’t even have a particularly stressful day, in that we were just sitting down and listening to presentations, but there is something about being in a new environment and being surrounded by new people taht just feels so overwhelming.

I’m now sitting in front of the TV with my feet up and a packet of ibuprofen close by. Luckily, I have quite a nice day with just the youngest in the school coming in for the first day so that they don’t get trampled by the Year 11s.

All I’m worrying about now is the IT situation. I have to teach from the morning and I still don’t have a computer so I may just have to entertain them with a dance!

I hope all the other teachers out there had a fantastic first day back.

Much Love

Rachel xx