i know it hurts and words cannot
express the million different ways
that every muscle, every bone,
is creaking underneath the strain
of what you have been through.
but now it really is the time
to stop, to breathe, to just sit still.
I know it feels a little like a crash.
the impact plays on loop.
the splintering and fracturing
of all we loved and knew.
it all went up in flames that day,
but still we need to sit with it.
we need to let the body heal,
the heart, the soul, the mind.
no more medicating
with the pills or booze.
just sit there with that pain you feel,
it is the only way to heal.
i know how hard it is to fill
the silence when you’re sitting still.
but just sit still, i tell you that you must.
i know it hurts but this will help
and in my words i hope you trust.
Just sitting with pain has been one of the hardest things to do n recovery. I would always have vodka on hand to anaesthetise the feelings that gripped me and frightened me. Now, I have to sit here, feeling the pain and the darkness and it’s really hard. It seems counter intuitive to sit still when you’re scared; why not run?
However, I do it because I know I have to and each day I see that I’ve made it through and it’s a cause for celebration. I won’t say it gets easier because that’s a lie. It never does. It’s always hard. But as yet I haven’t died and you won’t either.