a hatred of the dreaded application form

They want to know the ins and outs

Of everything, your test results,

Your school and nursery, your loves,

Your favourite food, the colour of

Your pants and what your toilet habits are.

Hours they take, when all I want to shout,

Is give me a bloody job,


when it feels right, in your heart

I guess it’s called a gut feeling. That feeling in the pit of your stomach when you know something is right or wrong for you. I get that feeling a lot, but I sometimes wonder where it comes from.

There are times when I’ve made horrendous mistakes in life and a lot of those times there has been that nagging feeling that something wasn’t right. And, likewise, I feel a real burning in my chest when something is right.

I could be relying on hindsight, which we all know is a wonderful thing, but, I find it alluring to think that there is something bigger at work when we get these gut feeling. These signs from above, as it were.

I’m applying for teaching jobs at the moment and I’ve had two rejections out of two, so far. But, I had that nagging feeling with one of them that it was a bad idea. I was only applying because I felt like it was expected of me. And when I didn’t get it, I felt myself breathe a sigh of relief.

Another girl on my course got the job and normally I feel really jealous and hurt when I know somebody who has beaten me. I felt the hurt of rejection but I didn’t feel the jealousy this time round. In fact, I felt like I’d dodged a bullet. It’ll be interesting to keep in touch with her and see how the job pans out and whether any of my reservations are real, or just in my head.

There is a job that I spotted today and I immediately got that flutter in my heart that it was right so I will be applying for that one, and not with trepidation.

I guess we can never know what the future holds and whether or not we can rely on gut instinct, but I like to think that it has some power in keeping us safe and keeping us on the path we were meant for. There are so many ways that my life could go from this year onwards. Who knows, I might even end up going abroad to teach?

We all just need to trust in the journey and have as much fun as we can. Even the worst experiences in life can turn into the funniest anecdotes that we can tell many years later.

Much Love,

Rachel xx