Tag: be happy

Find your ONE person

So I’m a creative type and that means I like to make things. I like to make lots of things and pump them out into the world. And that is really fun but sometimes I really want success and I just don’t get it in the way that I sometimes want. I sometimes want numbers and I want them as high as possible.

But like so many people I don’t get those high numbers. So why would I want to carry on? It’s because I really want to touch a person’s heart and it doesn’t matter if it is just one person. I want to know that at least one person has read my work or seen a picture that I’ve drawn and it’s made them feel better. I don’t really care all that much if my instagram has less than 100 followers, as long as one of those followers smiles when they see what I post.

I heard a writer once say that they were at a signing and somebody came up to them and said that their book changed there life. And she said that was better than making the New York Times best seller list, and that was great. So find your ONE person and be grateful that you could have that effect on someone.

Always get back on the horse

I’m in the middle of working a couple of nights again so it’s really difficult to sit down and write something serious and heartfelt. It’s hard to do that anyway so I thought I’d do what I do best and not even try to be deep.

I really enjoyed writing some poetry for this blog yesterday and everyone loves a little doodle to go along with it. So of course I thought I’d do it again because I need something easy to do when I’m feeling as flipping knackered as I am right now.

Here’s my poem that I am calling ‘always get back on the horse’. It’s an epic piece of literature that I think could possibly win me a few awards and I hope that you all feel as positive about it as I do.

There will always be times when things go wrong,

And goals are taking far too long.

You may feel like staying down,

When others round you start to drown.

But I want you to fiercely growl,

When you really want to chuck in the towel.

Rise and roar like the tiger that you are,

Light up the sky like a freaking shooting star.

But when you make it to the very top,

And all you do, has that crazy jazzy pop.

Remember to be really kind,

Because if you’re not, you may find.

That you will quickly tumble back,

To the place that’s really black.

So get back on your mother trucking horse,

And make sure you run that bloody course!

Have an amazing day, much love

Rachel xx

The dating pool

So I started dating again and it’s not really going to well.

I didn’t really know what to write about today because I want to be positive and things are a bit shitty at the moment. So I thought I’d write a bit about my romantic life because it would probably give people a bit of hope. And when I say that, I mean that it will give them hope because at least they’re not as tragic as me.

So, I never had a boyfriend while I was growing up. I was seriously into swimming so every moment of my free time was spent at the pool training for my next competition. My first boyfriend (and only one) was my now ex-husband who I think only married me so that he could come to live in the UK. But I did fall in love with him and I fell in love hard. It’s a common theme in my life that whenever I fall for something or someone, I go a little bit crazy. I liked swimming and I ended up swimming the Channel, I like running and I ended up running 100 mile races. I think that you get the picture; I always take things to excess.

Anyway, I was with him for two years and when I found out that he was having an affair it crushed me to the point where I picked up a drink and never put it down again. Fast forward ten years and I still hadn’t really gotten over the pain and the destruction that it caused but I slowly started to dip my toe back into the pool again and I tried that wondrous thing called online dating. Wo! That shit is crazy.

My first attempt was one date and then he disappeared. I think I may have got really drunk and I could possibly have been sick in the bathroom so I’m sure that could have had something to do with the radio silence from his end. The second round, I made it to the second date. This time I think I had an existential crisis on him and started banging on about my bad career choices and how I didn’t know where the fuck I was going in life. Oh, and I took him for the second date to the place where I worked so I was asking for trouble there.

There were also hopeless crushes on horribly inappropriate people that all ended disastrously, mainly because I would drink and then get on Facebook and be a dick. I found that while I was drinking I had zero humility and, of course, I was always right.

Since getting sober I really hope that I’m a nicer person and so I decided to try again and still I just can’t seem to figure it out. Again, I managed to get to the second date and again I had so many expectations in my mind. I obviously didn’t tell him any of this but I had already picked out the dress and the venue for the wedding and I knew where we would live. I think that perhaps I send subliminal messages because they all seem to run away from me as fast as they can. And it’s really crushing.

And that’s where I wanted to take this post. I’m absolutely hopeless with men, but does anyone else struggle to mend their aching heart after two whole dates? This guy turned me down in the nicest possible way and yet I felt like I had gone through a divorce. The sense of rejection was so enormous that I thought I might buckle under the strain. I have even said that I will have to give myself another six month break before I have another go, or else it might lead to some sort of mental breakdown where I end up running through the streets in a state of undress.

Online dating has become like shopping on Amazon and it’s so cold and clinical. We click the person, agree to meet, and if we think we can do better we send it back. There must be other people out there that have struggled with this too. It’s literally too much for me to take. But then what is the alternative?

I’m going to propose that us sensitive singles unite and form some sort of group where we can all just talk about our feelings after a date and build each other up. Perhaps we could have a group on facebook to help with the crushing disappointment. We’d be like the antidote to online dating; the band aid that needs to be slapped onto that wound when he says that he thinks he could do better than you.

I think that building each other up is the only way to get over a disappointment. And dating creates the messiest of disappointments because you’re letting someone in so close that it can feel like they have burnt your skin when they pull away. I need that closeness of someone but not the pain so I’d like a group of happy people around me so that I can get caught next time I have no choice but to fall.

Much love

Rachel xx