how did it turn so sour?

I’m watching the documentary on the Depp v Heard case and I have to say that it still fascniates me. The whole case and who was telling the


bouncing back

Not everything goes to plan,

It doesn’t always end in glory

But pull it together

Get those trainers back on

And hit the hills, the trails

And enjoy for the joy of it,

Those rolling hills, filled with green,

Drink it in and be a champ

You’ve learnt some lessons

And had a flipping blast.

I tried a hundred mile run over the weekend and it really tipped it down so it was a bit like trying to run an ultra on a Tough Mudder course. And so I failed. I only made it to 68 miles.

I can make all the excuses that the weather was miserable and the ground was just too boggy for me. I’m not a natural runner and so I do have to have good conditions if I’m going to make it to the end. I just wasn’t good enough on the day and that is quite a difficult thing to swallow.

I just have to remember that I had fun, I met some lovely people and I have some memories to look back on, even if I didn’t get my belt buckle and finisher T-shirt. I still ran a lot further than most people could ever dream of.

It’s just hard and I feel like I’m wallowing in the depression at the moment. I’m not sure if it’s justified, or whether I’m just being a bit of an entitled little madam. Wherever this feeling is coming from, I’m sure so many others have felt it and you can only come back stronger.

If you’ve had a set back or a failure recently, I understand and I see you. Let’s get back on the horse and show the world what we’re made of.

Much Love

Rachel xx

chinese whispers

I think almost everyone in the UK watches Married At First Sight. The Australian version is on at the moment and it trends on Twitter


the cherry on the top

I had a bit of a tough week at work this week, and I couldn’t wait for it to be over. So, I was slogging my way through my final lesson on Friday


the workplace bully

light room with table and chairs near whiteboard
Photo by Max Vakhtbovych on

He wants to show his prominence

And throwing useless weight around

Seems to be the way to have

An iron grip on those below.

He gossips all about their faults,

The drinking problems, gambling

And who got off with who

At the Christmas party.

Stay away from him, or get involved

At your peril if you have

A heart as hard as stone.

The big story in the UK today is the rehiring of Gavin Williamson to the Cabinet.He has a lot of haters after he made a few clangers as the Education Minister and so I thought he was pretty brave in stepping up to the plate again.

But now, there have been allegations that he was bullying staff members last time he was in the Cabinet. He appears to have sent some pretty vile text messages to people and about people and it has come back to bite him on the bum.

And I’m sure that the stories that are being reported are bringing up horrible memories for lots of people – as there are a lot of people out there who have experienced that kind of behaviour before.

Most people will have experienced bullying in the workplace, and the bullies can do what they do without having any idea what kind of havoc they are playing on people’s lives. I got caught up in some nastiness and it led to a complete mental health crisis. I was paid off and that was the last those people probably ever thought of me.

However, good always comes out of the bad, even if you can’t see it when you are in the thick of it. I got sober out of that whole situation and so I could say that something that seemed very dangerous, actually, saved my life.

If you are stuck in a horrible work situation don’t battle on; get out and let the bullies eat each other alive. And remember that your outlook on what is happening will change over time. Things will turn good.

Much Love

Rachel xx

the nice guy at the till

food people laptop internet
Photo by Ivan Samkov on

I go there for my lunch each day, trudging in

With all the other tired and worn out office men,

Just looking for a sandwich and a coke to satiate

That hole that’s burnt right through our soul

With the drudgery of each and every day.

But then I cannot help but feel a flicker

Of unadulterated joy, when I reach the queue

And hear his laugh, his cheesy jokes

That brighten up our days. His job is far

From perfect, far worse paid than mine,

And yet he always seems to shine on us

With rays of warmth and yellow light,

Brightening our days, if only for a minute then

Fading to another boring afternoon.

But when my days are feeling like they’ll never end,

I bring to mind the happy guy who shows us how it’s done.

I’m always so impressed with the way that some people can remain incredibly happy (particularly when they are at work). There are some people who can’t even drive to work without becoming aggressive and honking and giving people the middle finger – so hats off to the checkout worker who has a genuine smile on their face all the way until the end of their shift.

I always tried my best to remain upbeat when I worked at the petrol station, but you do meet some nasty people when you work with the public and it makes it incredibly hard to remain friendly.

Yesterday, I got my second dose of vaccine and I have to say that the volunteers there are the happiest people in Britain. On my first visit the guy at the exit who was responsible for giving us our sticker as was left, totally made my day.

Yesterday it was the lady who booked me in. I was wearing my Orlando Florida T-shirt and she ended up having a whole conversation with me about how much she loves Disney and how she has been there five times.

And remember, these people are not being paid! And the people at your local supermarket are on minimum wage. So, if they can be nice, then you can be too. Stop getting all aggressive in the car and learn to smile a little more. You might just make someone’s day.

Much Love

Rachel xx

oooooh, this is like a disaster movie

Violins, strike a fearful chord

As lights are dimmed and we all feel

Like we are trapped in chambers beating

With the flood of chemicals.

There really isn’t any need

But drama is inevitable.

OMG, I saw the ‘trailer’ for the Meghan and Harry interview and almost died today. I will most definitely be watching when it is aired in the UK but mostly because I don’t know what to expect.

I love the royals and I also love Meghan and I sometimes feel like the media wants us to like one or the other. In my humble opinion, I think that both do a lot of good and anyone who is making lives just a little bit better is doing a good thing.

However, the royals doing interviews never seems to end well and so I’m a little bit nervous about watching this. I really hope that it’s not laid on too thick and makes them just look like victims, because I don’t think that’s a fair representation of them.

The American TV stations do have a habit of trying to make things way more dramatic than they need to. I could feel my heart rate increasing as I watched this very dramatic teaser. They even had movie-esque music to build up the tension.

Whether this is an inspired decision or it turn out to be a hot mess, we won’t know until we actually see it and get to see how the press and the Twitterverse decide to react. I just hope that it does go well for them. And I hope that it works out equally as well for the royals still over here and working as royals. It would be a shame if anyone gets harmed because of this.

Much Love

Rachel xx

april 20th, 1999

gray wall with windows with silver frame
Photo by Scott Webb on

A single shot ringing down the halls,

To mark the moment when there was an end

To life before, and something new begins,

It’s something ugly, twisted out of shape,

But new can’t always mean it’s clean or ‘nice’

Or any other name that’s pleasant to the ear.

Sometimes new is violent, a warning shot

That whistles through the stagnant air

And pierces flesh too young to die,

It’s ugly just like you and I.

I’m reading a book about Columbine High School at the moment and it’s fascinating in that way that humans seem to find the grotesque and violent so very interesting.

I was about fourteen when the shooting happened so I would have been around the same age as the younger students that were in that school. I think that similarity makes the whole thing seem so much more real to me, and even though I’m in the UK, I still feel sick to the stomach thinking ‘what if?’ when I watch the footage and read the accounts.

One thing that really strikes me about the stories that come out of tragedies like this, is that uncertainty about life and when it will end. We are awfully fragile beings and it only takes a mistake or plain bad luck to have today being your last.

I was watching an account by one students who said that he was driving into school with his sister and they were having an argument. He slammed the door as he got out, not realising that it would be the last time he ever saw her alive.

The fact that he was recounting that twenty years later shows that it’s still something that eats him up and I can’t imagine the pain he must feel every single day of his life. He wasn’t to know, but then none of us know. Reading these accounts has made me very mindful that I shouldn’t go to bed angry and I should always tell Noah and my dad that I love them. Make sure you tell your people the same thing.

Much Love

Rachel xx

i’m more upset than the person i upset…

unrecognizable person with sad eyes in daytime
Photo by Victoria Emerson on

A burning, tingling, right behind the eye

Just when I become aware that I

Have made another person cry.

I didn’t mean to hurt no one,

But that is sometimes just the way

Our undulating lands will somehow start to lay.

I got a message from my mentor last night to say that there had been a complaint made by a parent about the way I was teaching, that I was stressing out her daughter. I had given them 40 minutes to write 6 paragraphs so I was a bit pissed off as I signed off at the end of the day.

Anyway, I stewed overnight, thinking ‘how dare this woman complain? has she got nothing better to do with her time?’

My mentor came back to me me today and said that he spoke with the parent at length and she thought that I was putting too much pressure on them and threatening them with sanctions when we were moving too fast.

I was furious for about ten minutes and then I sat down and really thought about what she was saying. And I came to this conclusion:

We are all a little bit in the dark at the moment. Those conscientious kids that are worrying and handing everything in are sitting alone in their rooms wondering why this teacher is going mental at them. Are they doing enough? Is it them that I’m directing my anger at?

Meanwhile, as a teacher, I’m seeing the same people not even bothering a little bit. I’m talking to a screen so I can’t give eye contact to the people I’m talking to. We are all just sitting behind our screens wondering who is angry at who… and that is really difficult to deal with.

The point is, that I now feel really upset that I’ve upset others. We all need to take a look at what we are saying to each other because this is uncharted territory that we are sailing in.

I’m going to have a conversation with the whole class, to let them know that those who are handing work in are doing flipping amazing, and that I’d be devastated to think that they are beating themselves up in such difficult circumstances.

So, be nice today. It’s even harder to know what people are feeling through a computer and I’ve realised that I’ve misread a situation this week so I can confirm that it is incredibly easy to do!

Much Love

Rachel xx