so what do you think of the new girl?

union jack flag hanging outside a building
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Do you like the colour of her hair?

Do you like what she wore today?

Do you think she’ll do a good job?

Should we all just talk on Twitter

About what a terrible mess she’ll make?

And would the same rules apply

If she were a posh man?

So, we have another new Prime Minister in this country. It feels like the Conservatives have served us up a revolving door of candidates – we bring one on, slag them off until they have no choice but to leave and then we start on the next.

It’s a really punishing position to be in and I can’t quite work out why anyone would want to put themself through it. And, as much as I hate to say it, I think that women have it even harder than men.

When Boris was voted in, half the country were very happy with their decision and they were very vocal about how great they thought he was. If you go on Twitter today, you get a very different vibe, and probably the same people who voted for him, are now going as far as wishing him dead.

Now Liz Truss has been voted in, the conversations are very different. I overheard someone in the park saying ‘so, it’s a woman they chose’. Why is that even a relevant question? Nobody was commenting on the fact that Boris was a man three years ago.

And there is a real sense of distrust in the online comments. Can she do the job? Does she have the experience? Does she have chubby ankles? These are questions that were not asked of Boris.

Perhaps we should just let the new girl get on with it. Who knows, she might surprise you…

Much Love

Rachel xx

the entitled man

bridge over river in city
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You’d never find him questioning himself,

That’s what you must remind yourself

As you sit in an exam, or an interview

You don’t think you’re qualified for.

He’d just walk straight, put his coat on the chair

And tell the world that it belongs to me,

And that’s what comes with the money

And being told that you’re worth it

When perhaps you just have to face the fact

That you’re not…

Here in the UK, we have had quite a turbulent time when it comes to politics – but finally, Boris has put in his resignation. However, we have all been left wondering what the hell took him so long?

We have had endless lies and scandals and yet he has clung to his power. He still has his supporters, but many of us have watched and tried desperately to make sense of what is going on.

My take on it, is the sense of entitlement that permeates the upper classes has caused this toxic situation where a man really believes that he is above the law and he just has a God given right to a role that really needs to be earned.

Interestingly, a year or so ago, I was watching a programme where people had to make jewellery and compete to win a prize. There was a woman on there that was getting in a flap because she was losing confidence in herself. She was genuinely talented and yet she was completely losing faith in herself.

The presenter came along and said ‘You need to trust how good you are, do you think Boris sits in his office and worries about whether or not he is good enough to do his job?’

It was such a random thing to say but it really resonated with me. The rich white man who has been to the best schools and universities that money can buy will never even question his ability. So why should a talented woman?

The question we are all left asking now is when will this entitled man leave Number 10? It feels that he still deserves that right until October.

Read the room, Boris. Read the room.

Much Love

Rachel xx

the apology by boris

aerial photography of elizabeth tower london
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He stood before the packed out house,

Shuffling papers in his hands

Nervous for his task today,

Ready to speak, to take the stand.

The opposition wait with bated breath,

Eager to attack his every word

They know he has no real excuse

Every one he gives them is absurd.

I’m sorry, he says through gritted teeth,

I didn’t know that cake made it a party,

Even the balloons were slightly cryptic

And Liz Truss dressed up all tarty.

I think we should just drop it now,

I’ve said I’m sorry, paid the fine,

Forget the ones who followed rules

While I had cake and too much wine.

Boris, Brexit and self-promotion

Does anyone else worry about putting themselves out there? Why are there some people who seem to be able to step out and look out for themselves more easily than others. In the UK we have been inundated with news about Brexit and how the new Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, is handling it. Some would argue that he’s not doing any better than the person that he took over from just a few weeks ago. But if you ask Boris how he is doing, I’m pretty sure that he would say that he is doing pretty bloody well.

I do sometimes wonder why I can’t be a little bit more like Boris, putting myself as number one. I wonder what it would be like to have success and people underneath me, all looking to me for guidance. I sometimes think that it would be nice to not give a toss what other people think of me and to only care about where I want to go. It’s this tenacious self promotion that has gotten him to where he is and there are tonnes of people that have come before him who have done the same. They have all achieved their goals and they have most definitely had to trample over some heads to get to where they wanted to.

The real question is whether they were happy when they got there? Did they reach the top of their mountain and look around at the view to find that it wasn’t all they hoped for? I wonder if Boris wakes up every morning and thinks of how lucky he is that all his dreams have come true? I have a feeling that he doesn’t. My thinking is that there is something gnawing away inside of him every day, pushing him onto the next goal and also making him feel uncomfortable and empty.

I don’t know Boris or what his personality is like but I do know that when I was ruthlessly pursuing career and sporting achievements it was because I was looking for anything to fill that hole inside myself that left me in terrible pain each day. The main thing that forced me to get help when my life was falling to bits was work. I was always desperate to get promoted because I felt like a new position would make me whole and the extra money would make me a better and more respected person. I didn’t care if I was going to step on people to get there because it was the only thing that was going to remove the pain in my own life.

It was only since getting sober and going to therapy that I’ve started to see that if I’m not enough for myself then how on earth can I be enough once I have the weight of a stressful job upon my shoulders. You often see this buckling of a person in the case of pop stars. They chase fame relentlessly because they feel that it will make them better and more loved and instead they find themselves crushed by the weight of expectation and the outpouring of love from fans is kind of empty. Fans don’t really care what happens to you. They love you while you’re on top but when you’re down they’ll soon move on to the next best thing. A fan won’t drop everything for you when you’re feeling sad and need a shoulder to cry on so just remember that when you feel bad that you only have two or three real friends. At least you have real friends.

That said, perhaps we can learn a little something from Boris. He has made a twit out of himself a few times (think the zip line incident in the lead up to the London 2012 Olympics), and yet he has still ploughed on without really stopping. A lot of us have so many doubts about ourselves and the sensitive empaths among us are constantly worrying about how we make other people feel and what they think of us. Somebody like Boris doesn’t seem to give a fuck and I wonder what it must feel like to be that confident in my own ability.

I sometimes have crushing lows and bow out of opportunities because I’m worried that I’ll either offend someone, I’ll make a mess of everything or people will just laugh at me. Maybe I do sometimes need to take a leaf out of Boris’s book and plough on regardless. If this self promotion is done for the right reasons and to push us on as humans to a good and decent common goal, then surely that’s a good thing, right?

It’s such a difficult balance to strike and it’s something that I’ve been thinking a lot about recently. Do I deserve success and am I allowed to push for it? Now that I’m sober have I proven my worth? If I do push will people start to roll their eyes at me and like me less? Will the extra stress potentially make me ill again? There are so many questions that run through my head every time I think about doing something difficult.

I think that the way around this is to do something great that is also for the greater good of the people around me. I’m not sure if Boris has had the right intentions throughout his political career. I guess we’ll never know what his reasoning has been when he campaigned for leave (a lot of us would maybe lean towards the thinking that it was not for the good of the country), but the fact of the matter is that now he is in the perfect place to do some good for us all. His relentless pushing has actually put him on the best platform in the country.

What I would like to do in the future is to push for a career that does not hurt people and that empowers people but what that looks like or where it will lead me is only really known to God right now. I would love for this blog to be a way for me to do that. What a wonderful thing it would be to write for a living and make people feel good at the same time. Wouldn’t it be nice to do something I love and be able to help and inspire people at the same time. I don’t know whether that will ever be possible but maybe that’s the thing I should plough on to (not trampling on any heads along the way though!).

So, in conclusion, I would say that I’m not entirely sure that Boris is happy and that the career is making him feel better in some way. But then maybe we all need a little more confidence, just like he has. Think of all the things we could achieve if we pushed that hard and for things that we really believe in. I’m going to make the pledge today to try hard to make a difference without worrying that other people are laughing at me. Hopefully my endeavour won’t end up being as crazy as Brexit but if it could make a little bit of a splash then I would be happy.

What do you think that I should do? Do you think that maybe I should start a campaign for happiness with lots of colourful art and lovely slogans. Maybe lots of videos on being happy like Brenee Brown or Russell Brand? Maybe I should start running up and down the country like Sean Conway? So many things I could do and I am going to do one of them unashamedly and without apology. I AM allowed to self promote and look after people! It IS possible and I’m going to give it a go. Just watch me!

Much love

Rachel xx