Next year I’ll put on makeup every day

And brush my hair and straighten it.

I’ll make my food on Sunday night

And freeze in Tupperware

And while that cakes are busy baking

I’ll make my jewelry and greetings card,

The ones I’ll sell to the PTA

While drinking smoothies made of kale.

I’ll make a bullet journal, a mood board,

A fucking five year plan, heck make it ten.

Next year I’ll be better than I was,

I’ll be like Jen from number eight,

Who power walks twice a day

And never eats a solid food.

Next year I’ll be better than I was,

I’ll aim for such a dizzying height,

I’ll put up a valiant fight.

I watch all these women on YouTube and they have an amazing career, they make sure they’re organised by creating a bullet journal, they can paint and draw, run marathons and they have five kids that are all turned out immaculately. Meanwhile, I’m over here eating raw brussel sprouts from the bag as I lie on the sofa in leggings that have several holes in them.

I know that people do curate the best bits of their lives to put on social media, but still. These women really do seem to have their shit together.

I also know that I may put some makeup on for the first week of January, but by February I won’t even be brushing my hair. I wish I was one of those women with glossy hair and always wearing heels but I just can’t do it.

When I was seeing a therapist, we used to refer to these women as the Lordsfield Gardens women because this was the name of the street where all the posh mums lived. They had rich husbands and they ran Etsy stores while the kids were at school. Or they were at Pilates all morning, followed by a latte and a panini that cost more than my weekly shop.

I always longed to be a Lordsfield Gardens woman because I thought that they had no worries. But the more I grow and find my own place in the world, the more I realise that living in a crappy flat in a rough part of town is OK.

I bought the flat with my own money, I’ve made it my own home. I’m free to pack up whenever I want and go wherever I want. I’ve had some cool adventures over the years and that’s far more exciting than Pilates at Virgin Active.

Much Love

Rachel xx

P.S. I would still quite like to have a go at making a bullet journal, just to be clear….