return of the ex

dry rose flower next to broken heart shaped cookie
Photo by on

Twisted feelings wring the heart

Of any pleasant days,

The wish for him to find his way

Back to your world, or else

He can die a painful death.

I’m guessing nearly everybody in the world knows that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez have got back together and now they are engaged for a second time. I wish them all the happiness in the world, but I also find it kind of weird that two people who have already had a relationship have decided to have a second go at it.

I remember reading the newspaper when I was about nineteen and living in London and they were writing about their relationship crumbling the first time around. It was quite a shocking event to read about as it all happened so quickly and one can only imagine how much pain both parties experienced in going through that – and so publicly.

It’s made me think what it must be like to give love a second chance, especially when you have gone and had another marriage and kids in between. I wonder what their first conversations were like and what thoughts went through their heads when they found themselves falling for each other again.

I wonder if there was still some pain there. I’m certain that re-falling in love is the surest way to mend that hurt, but it takes a big person to break down those walls and admit where you went wrong in the first place.

Wouldn’t it be lovely if all break ups could end this way?

Much Love

Rachel xx

is old love different?

old couple walking while holding hands
Photo by Noelle Otto on

We could use a tired metaphor about fruit

That is battered and bruised and shriveled

And how love is blind

To those glaring imperfections.

But that would be lazy, so I’ll do away

With poetic devices and ask what I want,

Do I have less chance of finding a love,

And when it is found, what is it like?

Can it be passionate or is it dulled down?

It’s colours muted, a sepia dream?

I am hurtling towards forty and while that is not old by any stretch of the imagination, it is an age that I’m sure makes a lot of us stop and think when we reach it. In an average life, it’s half way and that seems like the perfect time to pause and take stock.

And one of the things that I’m thinking about a lot is my lack of love. I think that after my childhood experiences and then a disastrous marriage when I was so young, I’ve scared myself away from it. It’s strange because I’m terrified of it and I also pine for it.

And now that I’m past that ‘normal’ age when people fall in love and get married and have a passionate relationship, I wonder what any relationship would look like. Would it even look any different?

I hear a lot of celebrities who have found love in their forties and later, and their love sounds so sweet. Perhaps understanding that life doesn’t have a neat ending like it does in the movies makes us approach love in a whole new way?

I’m ready to find somebody to share my life with, but that fear that has plagued my life will most definitely make it look different to that ideal that I’ve held in my head. But maybe that could lead to something better. Has anyone else out there met their love later on? Any thoughts?

Much Love

(And Happy New Year)

Rachel xx