in the library with the angels

city buildings and trees during golden hour
Photo by Roberto Nickson on

A gentle touch on a puckered shoulder,

Shivers as the cold seeps through the skin,

Of course, we cannot see, just a feeling

Like cloying fog swirling round my legs;

I could go limp, knowing it won’t catch

This lovely bag of bones, but still it infiltrates

And knows my deepest thoughts, my dreams

That stream of consciousness that haunts

A day, a night, a world that’s kept behind

A heavy curtain only to be released

When kissed by death in distant years to come.

I love that movie, City of Angels. It stars Nicholas Cage and Meg Ryan and Cage plays an angel that falls in love with Ryan. It’s one of the saddest movies you’ll ever watch but there are so many moments and ideas that I really hope are true.

For starters, I really hope that there are angels out there and that they look after us while we are here on Earth. I particularly like the scenes that are set in the big library where all of the angels hang out. They like to stay there because it is quiet and they can hear the inner thoughts of the people who have come there to study or read. They put their hand on the human’s shoulder and they just listen to what is going on in their heads.

As I am back in a further education setting again I am around a nice library and it just made me think of that film. I just sat quietly and imagined that there was somebody placing a loving and protective hand on my shoulder. Sometimes, as humans, we just need to know that there is somebody there who cares.

And that is what I feel when I sit in a library.

Much Love

Rachel xx

oh, to be free in times like these

Ringlets of hair flying out

As warm May wind gusts nobly

Through verdant parks lined with trees,

All standing tall like red coat soldiers

Waiting for their joyous queen.

And there she goes with arms outstretched

Like angel wings to lift her up.

I thought she’d fly away

But then I see her day after day.

That’s what makes

My staccato heart

Beat in a slightly different way.

Before we went into lockdown I was walking through the park by my house when a woman zoomed past on her bike. She was on a downhill stretch on the grass and as she gathered speed she took her hands off the handlebars and tilted her head back as the wind hit her face. I watched her and I just thought she was a bit weird.

A week or two later I saw her doing the same thing again. I thought that perhaps she had set herself the goal of riding with no hands and she must be practising each day. Another person walking their dog stopped to watch and I couldn’t help but feel that the woman was making a bit of a spectacle of herself.

I’ve seen her a few times since and there is always a dog walker that stops and stares at this grown woman acting like a child on her bike. I felt sorry for her until I saw her again this evening.

I had just finished a run and I could feel that glow that comes at the end of a good few sunny miles. The woman was at the top of the hill preparing herself for her descent and I slowed so that she could pass first.

She sped past me with her arms wide, and for the first time ever, I saw her face as she passed close by. She looked utterly joyful, free and happy. And I felt like I suddenly understood.

When I was a kid one of my favourite movies was City of Angels and I was always particularly fond of the scene where Meg Ryan cycles along the edge of Lake Tahoe with her arms spread. She has just found the love of her life and you can’t help but feel that she is in heaven. I always wanted to feel that.

I just wanted to write that because it’s so easy to judge someone when they do something silly or outrageous. But to them it might not be silly at all. It might be the one slice of their day that is pure bliss. And isn’t that what we all want?

Much Love

Rachel xx