The teacher taps the ruler on his desk.

That face, the look of disapproval

As the class begins to snicker.

Heat begins to flood my cheeks

As soon I realise numbers gone

And words have vanished from my mind.

My brain just tries to claw them back

But they have scattered

Just like spiders in the dark.

Ever had that feeling that you are so far out of your depth that you would rather just die than carry on? I know I have and it’s the most uncomfortable thing ever. But people do react to this situation in very different ways.

For me, I go to pieces. When I know that I’m out of my depth I tend to just burst into tears and all I want to do is run away from the situation. However, watching the news I’m seeing that politicians deal with this in a completely different way.

The politicians are trying to answer questions that are just impossible to answer but they still seem to be trying. I am actually enjoying watching them struggle through the discomfort. Why don’t they just say that they don’t know? Wouldn’t the public have more respect for them if they just told the truth?

The current situation is something that we have never encountered before, so these people can’t possibly know what the future holds and yet they try to make it look as though they know exactly what is happening.

I’d quite like to see one of our leaders taking a leaf out of my book and for them to just start crying at the podium. That would be a turn up for the books!

Much Love

Rachel xx

We write our words to make some sense

Of a world that always seemed

So much at odds with what we want,

With what we need to be alive.

But suddenly it’s not just poets,

Painters and the music men

Who need to chisel life

Into something beautiful,

Into something meaningful.

Now it’s every man clinging to the art

In the desperate hope that we

Can help them through

This dark, chaotic time.

So, things just seem to get darker and darker, and then when you think it’s got as bad as it can be, it gets a little bit worse. Today we got the terrible news that our Prime Minister has gone into intensive care with COVID-19 symptoms.

I know that we can all start getting political in times of crisis, but when somebody is dangerously ill I think that it’s time for us all to pull together and hope for the best. And I think that most decent British citizens are united in feeling very concerned for him.

I did want to write about the fact that this news has come when we’re already feeling the strain and it can sometimes feel a bit disorientating. And I think that at any time it’s the artists of the world that are grappling to make sense of the world.

However, at times like this, I think that the chaos makes everyone want to cling to art as a calming and clarifying influence. For example, when Princess Diana died it was Elton John’s song that resonated with the entire nation.

However you are feeling about what is going on and whatever you are using to cope with it, I hope that you are staying safe and loving each other and staying home when you can.

Much Love

Rachel xx

She carefully picks her dress,

Not white like wedding days

But emerald green

For growth and civil harmony.

She wants to play with pearls

That hang around her neck

But she mustn’t show her nerves,

So many years

And still she feels the knot

Of fear reminding her

That when all is said and done

She still is human,

She still is one of us.

I don’t know about everyone else, but I’m a big lover of the Queen. And I know that when she makes a speech I feel that I have an obligation to watch it. I know that people who are against the Royals will hate me for saying it, but she is the head of state, I am one of her subjects, and I have a lot of respect for her.

Anyway, we had a speech televised tonight and I have to say it was really strange. Normally we only see her when she does her speech at Christmas. Other than those messages I have only seen three speeches that I can remember in my thirty five years on this planet.

So, it really brought home how serious things have become. I obviously knew that things were serious already, but hearing the Queen speaking tonight, really made me feel like this is a war that we have to beat together.

It also made me think how the Queen must feel when she takes the decision to make a speech. It must have a real sense of occasion and I can imagine everything from the colour that she wears to every word that she says is pored over beforehand.

We have to remember that she is almost ninety four years old and I can imagine that this is taking its toll on her and her husband. She may be our reigning monarch but she is still human. I, for one, am praying that we all come through this catastrophic event that has gripped the whole world.

Love each other and stay home!

Much Love

Rachel xx

I’ve ordered several things I do not want

Or like.

There was the coat that was too tight,

It’s plastic zipper straining at the seams.

The waffle maker breaking on day one,

And the shoes I never wore.

I could have sent them back,

Got my refund,

Tried out something else.

But now that I have something that I really hate,

Something none of us can send back in the post,

I wonder how I’ll deal with that?

I can’t stuff this one in a closet,

Close the doors and try forgetting that it’s there.

This, I have to hold on to,

I have to see it through,

Make friends with it.

It’s hard to love a thing that terrifies our human soul,

But sometimes it is necessary

For us to learn,

To grow,

And change our ways that went unquestioned

For longer than they should.

The shock of the fall

Is much worse than the impact.

Bones shattering on cold concrete

Once sounded enough

To grind teeth in disgust.

Now we almost look forward,

To that sudden jar of stars.

We think it will be sweet release

From this endless downward rush.

I remember when I was in Year 11 which was way back in the Y2K, we read an extract in our English class. It was about an old man who just wanted to go out for a walk in a society where everyone was ordered to stay inside.

I think the fact that I love walking was the reason that this piece of writing stuck with me over all these years. It scared me that there could ever come a time when police would make us return to our homes. I thought for almost twenty years that it was too ridiculous to ever really happen. And then the year 2020 happened.

But it’s the shock of it actually happening that is the hardest thing to deal with. That piece of writing obviously had an effect on me because I remember it from 20 years ago. But as time has marched on, travel has become more common and it just seemed ridiculous that I would see such a thing in my life time.

This has come so quickly, and so ‘out of the blue’ that it’s taken me by surprise and made me feel really anxious. I am quite comfortable living in my flat with food and electricity so it’s no real hardship just yet. It’s the free falling and seeing how quickly things are changing that have done me the most damage.

If you are like me, and thrive on routine, I’m sure that you are also suffering. Just stay calm and remember that in this very moment you are fine. You are alive and hopefully well. We have no real control over what is happening so we just have to go with it. The panic comes in the struggle against the fall.

Something beautiful has to come out of the train wreck that we are witnessing at the moment. We need to all love each other and be responsible and we will get to the other side.

Much Love

Rachel xx