Depression can feel like your brain has had it’s own little power cut. It feels like all the lights have gone out and there’s no way of fixing it. Some people say that depression creeps up on them, but for me, it’s sudden and shocking. It’s just like the fuse popping and plunging a home into darkness.
Fortunately, we live in a world where it’s OK to talk about mental health issues and there are really good medications available to help. This help is kind of similar to calling on the electrician. It just takes someone who knows what they are doing and everything can go back to normal. I don’t know about you, but I find this thought really comforting.
If you are struggling under your own dark cloud then do reach out for help. Talking about things helps immensely and there is no shame in relying on medication to help you through the difficult times. There is light at the end of the tunnel and I know that you can make it through.
Do you want to know why we scuttle through shadows,
Licking our wounds and patching up gashes,
With dirty, torn rags and useless, worn plasters?
It’s because we’re ashamed and it’s all down to you,
Making us feel like we’re meant for the corner
With the rats and the vermin,
The creatures that nobody wishes to see.
Because you are worried that we may infect,
That our weakness will claw at your shell that is cracking.
And once the disease is inside the body,
There’s no fighting the symptoms with rainbows and smiles
And all of the things you suggest all day long.
Better to turn a blind eye to the darkness,
Or maybe just shout at it, bully it out?
Because you are respectable and can’t have our kind
Clouding your doorways and draining your bank.
You are rich and above all this death and disease,
But herbs and spices stuffed in your nose cone
Will do nothing to help when the fear comes a-knocking.
It knows not the difference between master and slave.
So you’d better be kind while you still have the chance.
To take part in this deathly and gruesome last dance.
There is a lot of shame involve in telling your boss that you have a mental illness and many people choose to not divulge that information. Unfortunately a lot of people have had bad experiences and it is really sad that this means that they are then scared to get the support they need in the future.
I’m guessing that the reason some bosses are so unsupportive is because they don’t understand mental illness. They think that because somebody has anxiety or depression, they may be taking time off constantly and costing the business as a result. But many people who suffer are really hard and conscientious workers and it’s just cruel to treat them in a way that’s so disrespectful.
When I see managers treating their staff poorly because they have a mental illness, it makes me think of the illness as being a bit like the black death. I imagine these people being frightened of getting infected themselves and shunning the sufferers. I imagine them tucked away in their ivory towers thinking that they’re safe because they have money and power and status.
But the truth is that we are all vulnerable and it only takes one traumatic experience or a bad run of luck for a few weeks and we can all find ourselves on that slippery slope downwards. So if you are in a management position, show some compassion. Don’t just try and bully out the weakest link, because sometimes that ‘weakest link’ can be the one that is brimming with the best ideas if you just give them a chance and a bit of support when times are hard.
And if you are struggling at the hands of someone who is bullying you at work because they know you are weak, stay strong. You have nothing to be ashamed of and you never deserve to be put in the corner if you are feeling sad or anxious. I’ll say a little prayer for you today and I hope that some of that positivity reaches you in some way, shape or form.
A poem about the feelings that go along with becoming a single parent. It’s painful and heartbreaking but everybody comes back from it. You have no choice.
The father left quite early on,
One day he’s there, the next he’s gone.
It caused a huge amount of pain,
And the feelings took so long to wane.
He packed his bags and left so quick,
It felt like just a heartless trick.
But he was not to come back home,
He felt that he was free to roam.
To play the field and sow his seed,
To live a life of selfish greed.
And into darkness I would fall,
I lost the battle to stand tall.
Depressing thoughts were all I knew,
And happy days were far and few.
But soon I found I needed light,
And so I put up quite the fight.
I had to do it for my child,
I couldn’t be so meek and mild.
I got a job and found some friends,
And to my heart I made amends.
I learnt to love myself once more,
And what my life was really for.
I mustn’t dwell on all the bad,
And spend my time so glum and sad.
I have a child I must adore,
And goals to set and to explore.
My life is worth more than that guy,
And now I’m ready to go and fly.
I became a single parent when my son was just nine months old and I was absolutely crushed. I loved my husband and I was devastated when I found out about the affair. But I had to pick myself up and carry on. I limped along as an alcoholic for a decade and only recently have I started to sort my life out. I hope that this poem can give you a little bit of hope if you are going through the same thing. Don’t go down the same path that I did. Life is a gift and you mustn’t waste it. The little ones grow so quickly and you don’t know when it could all come to an end. So find something that you’re passionate about and make every day count.
When I was in active alcoholism, the drunk dial was the bane of my life. I would wake up in the early hours of the morning feeling like I’d licked a carpet and having to reach for my phone immediately. My first thought was always about how terrified I was that I had texted a guy or emailed my boss. It was a humiliating and scary time.
But these days I am free of that and I’m really keen to help others who are struggling with the same issues that I did. It is a big part of the reason why I started this blog and I hope that it will also motivate me to stay on the straight and narrow. It’s a serious illness and it needs to be treated like one.
However, the drunk dial does have some comedy value and I think that everybody needs some fun in their lives so this is my take on a subject that used to bring me out in cold sweats.
So I’m not the most technically minded person in the world and to be a really good blogger I have found that being a bit computer savvy is definitely advantageous. I’m also writing this blog because of my sensitivity and I want people who are like me to feel that the world is a little bit safer and easier to navigate. But sensitivity and computer problems don’t go together very well. In fact, they are probably the worst mix in the world because just a minor hitch in my plans can make me feel like my whole world is ending!
Therefore, the point of this post is to explore how people can make scary or crappy situations seem just a little bit more manageable. It is not just sensitive people that will struggle with this, but I do often wonder how some people seem to make everything look like it’s water off a duck’s back.
One of the best ways that I have found over the past few years of working on myself, is to reframe the problem, and I am pretty sure this is what all those really resilient people are doing even if they are doing it subconsciously.
What this involves is taking the problem (in this case it was my flipping computer not working) and reframing it so that it is less huge or just different in some way. Here I just had to look at it on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being my life being in danger and 1 being a minor annoyance. When you look at it in this way you suddenly see that it’s only about a 2 at the very most and it immediately diminishes the level of anxiety. This is because life is all about survival and when you see where you are on the scale of survival needs, everything can be put into better perspective.
The other way of reframing is to just look at something differently. I’m having a lot of problems with my mother at the moment. She is being very difficult and the situation was becoming overwhelming. With the help of a therapist, what I have been doing is looking at the problem as though it is a puzzle. I love doing books of sudoku and so likening it to solving a puzzle or just moving on to the next has just made it all feel a little more trivial. The problem is still there and it’s still serious, but I’ve given my brain some relief from the stress that’s been flooding it. This means that I can get on with other things in my life and have some moments to actually enjoy life.
Now I’m not a counsellor or psychiatrist so I’m just telling you these techniques because they have helped me. If you have any serious issues that are causing you distress I can’t urge you enough to go and seek help. There are resources out there that you can use and a lot of them are completely free. Your GP is a good starting place.
I hope that this can help one or two people and together we can make the world just a little bit happier, more patient and more kind.
Much Love
Rachel xx
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