today i boiled 62 kettles and now i feel like a monster

a pot on a portable gas burner stove
Photo by Luke Barky on

Attenborough’s warned us, time and time again,

About the ice caps melting into seas

And animals are vanishing with terrifying ease.

But am I doing anything to help?

Or am I just a drain on oil and air?

Or am I just too worried for

A future I can’t help or change?

I was told the other day that Googling one question wakes up so many servers around the world that I am effectively using the same amount of energy that I would use if I were to boil six kettles. I don’t know how true that is, but it rings true and it’s terrified me.

I’m one of those worriers that tries to ride her bike when she can, I turn off the heating in the afternoon and I turn off lights when I leave the room. It’s all very little things but it’s because I really do care about what state the planet will be in when I hand it over to the next generation.

I am also a worrier in the very worst sense. I worry that the NHS is going to collapse, so I try not to go to the doctor. I worry that my boss doesn’t like me so I won’t complain about the shift I have been given. I worry that I’ll get arrested if a policeman looks into my eyes and sees how horrible I am, so I keep my eyes down.

It’s all very paranoid behaviour, but I’ve lived like this for so long that it’s quite hard to stop it. And now, thanks to the numpty that told me that stupid fact, I’m feeling too scared to Google the symptoms that I’m too scared to go to the doctor about.

Anyone else a chronic worrier? Sorry if I’ve now made you panic about your internet use. I guess we’re all going to have to cycle to the library so that we can use those things called books.

Much Love

Rachel xx

do i really need to travel?

black and brown desk globe

Aeroplanes and vast blue oceans

Spread themselves before my eyes,

Tantalising, like glistening jewels

Of power and knowledge and culture,

All the things I want to have.

They whisper in my ear and say

That I’m not good enough, here

In my home land where beauty does exist.

If you stay here, you’ll die unhappy,

You’ll show that you don’t care

About our wilting planet.

But I don’t think that’s right.

I know there’s plenty here

To keep my life fulfilled.

I have heard so many people saying that ‘you must travel’. And to an extent, I agree. It is great to learn about other cultures and see what else the world has to offer them.

But this idea that without going to far flung countries, you’re a bit thick, a bit uncultured, that you don’t really care. I find that line of thinking makes me feel a bit sick.

Most of the people who say this kind of thing are quite well off and can afford to have a gap year or a career break. Which is great for them, but not everyone has that luxury.

My own view is that God blessed us all with our own section of the world. I live in the UK and we have such a beautiful and varied landscape that it would be impossible to explore it all in a lifetime.

Why would I need to go to another country, with all of this beauty right on my doorstep?

I’ve done a bit of travelling myself, so I must repeat that I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I just think that we shouldn’t make people feel like they’re uncultured and uneducated because they have no plans to travel.

Besides, the current situation might put an end to a lot of travelling anyway. And then we have the environment to think about. Maybe, the lowly staycation is going to become much more popular again.

Now excuse me while I pack my bags for a stay at Butlins.

Much Love

Rachel xx