playing on heights
The arms can circle like the spokes
Of a paper windmill in the seaside shop,
Trying to regain a steadiness
To overcome that awful sense of gravity
And its earthly pull towards the ground
Where bodies crumple in a shattered mess.
Yet still we let the children run along
The ramparts of a kingly castle,
Swing from branches of the royals oaks
But all that I can do is turn my eyes
Away from whirling arms and then
The piercing scream that follows
That grossly hollow thud.
Does anyone else have a real fear of heights, but not for your own sake but for others? I am a bit scared of heights for myself but I am absolutely terrified when I watch other people playing around anywhere near the edge.
I realised that I had a bit of a problem when I went to Paris with my swimming club when I was fourteen. We went to see the Eiffel Tower and we stopped to take photos in front of it. There was a really high wall and one of my friends jumped up on it and started to walk along it.
I literally begged her to get down because my mind kept thinking that she was going to trip and fall over the edge. I could feel my palms sweating and my heart beating way too fast and I was on the brink of tears I felt so frightened.
Since having Noah I have come to realise that I also cannot watch children playing on climbing frames for the same reason. Watching them take crazy risks is just too much for me and I have to sit with my back to the equipment to save myself from becoming one of those crazy helicopter parents.
And then tonight I was watching TV and someone was playing on the edge of a building and I thought I was going to die. It’s probably the thing that I’m most afraid of and I wish that I wasn’t so worried about it. It might be because I’m afraid of broken bones and I have a feeling that falling from a great height will lead to just that.
Isn’t it strange the things that we are most afraid of in life?