playing on heights

woman walking on pathway between rocks
Photo by Trace Constant on

The arms can circle like the spokes

Of a paper windmill in the seaside shop,

Trying to regain a steadiness

To overcome that awful sense of gravity

And its earthly pull towards the ground

Where bodies crumple in a shattered mess.

Yet still we let the children run along

The ramparts of a kingly castle,

Swing from branches of the royals oaks

But all that I can do is turn my eyes

Away from whirling arms and then

The piercing scream that follows

That grossly hollow thud.

Does anyone else have a real fear of heights, but not for your own sake but for others? I am a bit scared of heights for myself but I am absolutely terrified when I watch other people playing around anywhere near the edge.

I realised that I had a bit of a problem when I went to Paris with my swimming club when I was fourteen. We went to see the Eiffel Tower and we stopped to take photos in front of it. There was a really high wall and one of my friends jumped up on it and started to walk along it.

I literally begged her to get down because my mind kept thinking that she was going to trip and fall over the edge. I could feel my palms sweating and my heart beating way too fast and I was on the brink of tears I felt so frightened.

Since having Noah I have come to realise that I also cannot watch children playing on climbing frames for the same reason. Watching them take crazy risks is just too much for me and I have to sit with my back to the equipment to save myself from becoming one of those crazy helicopter parents.

And then tonight I was watching TV and someone was playing on the edge of a building and I thought I was going to die. It’s probably the thing that I’m most afraid of and I wish that I wasn’t so worried about it. It might be because I’m afraid of broken bones and I have a feeling that falling from a great height will lead to just that.

Isn’t it strange the things that we are most afraid of in life?

Much Love

Rachel xx