The shock of turning just to see
There’s no one there, no one to catch
When lessons spooled so neatly go awry,
It’s only me who has the right
To tidy up, to take control again.
And is this new sensation good?
Or does it overwhelm the senses to
The point where nausea overtakes?
Let’s hope not, let’s hope
That reel will stay wound up.
I’m drawing ever closer to the first time that I’ll actually be left alone to teach a class all on my own. During the training year you always have a qualified teacher in the room with you so I have always been supervised up until now.
I still have support from teachers in neighbouring classrooms, but come Friday I will be flying solo and it feels both scary and exhilarating. On the one hand, if the wheels come off it’s all my problem. On the other hand, it’s so exciting to finally have control and autonomy.
I liken it to driving my car for the first time after I passed my test. You always have an instructor in the car while you are learning, and suddenly you get signed off and you can go wherever you want with nobody sitting next to you. It’s terrifying.
This is exactly the same feeling. I know that the next few days and weeks will be frightening at times, but one day soon I will realise that I’m flying down the motorway, singing to the radio, and instead of feeling stressed, I’ll be enjoying myself.
I’m looking forward to that day.