today i set my benchmark

big pile of books on wooden stool
Photo by Karolina Grabowska on

Those little posts

That mark the best

And the worst,

They come to life

When days are good,

We see how far we’ve come.

I taught my first two lessons today! They were pre-planned by the teacher so I only had to deliver them but it was still a big step on my teacher training journey.

They were both far from perfect but I got to the end of them, all of the students were still alive at the end and I had thirty pieces of work that had been produced. Therefore, in my eyes, I successfully taught them.

In my old life I would have picked at all of the mistakes that I made and gone over them until I felt like I couldn’t face going back in. I wouldn’t have given myself a break for the fact that it was my first go. I would have expected to be as perfect as a teacher who had been teaching for ten years or more.

But ‘new me’ is taking the positives and really giving myself a pat on the back for them. And I’m remembering that the negatives are to be expected and they have been provided with love, to make me a better teacher by the end of the year.

I’m so excited to improve on what I did today and I now see it as a benchmark. I know there’ll be lessons that go terribly wrong but on the whole I hope that I can just build on today. One day I’ll look back at those lessons and realise how much I have come on.

I hope that you get to set some benchmarks. It’s such a nice feeling to see progress. It makes you feel like a winner.

Much Love

Rachel xx

Setting some life goals….

Sitting at my desk and staring

At the inspirational quotes

That I tacked to the walls,

In the hope that they’d make

Me work that bit harder

And achieve a bit faster.

There’s a notepad in front of me,

And nothing written in it.

The truth is that none of this stuff really works.

I can’t see what will happen tomorrow,

Or next month or next year.

Trying to plan and pretend that I know

Where I will be in ten years,

Isn’t much use in this world of such ups,

And such incredible downs.

I’ll rip down those quotes,

And tear them to ribbons

That flutter like petals of snow.

I’ll get out and I’ll feel

The sun on my skin,

Experience my life on the terms of that life,

Because all that is coming my way

Isn’t for me to know.

I hate people telling me to plan ahead and think about my career goals and where I want to be in the next ten years. I can’t plan further than my next meal. And there is a reason for that. I’m terrible at life and it just makes me angry and full of anxiety.

I totally agree that we need to have dreams and things to work towards, but I think that when we are making list after list of rigid goals, it can be really upsetting when we don’t reach them, or they start taking much longer than anticipated.

I have found in recovery that it is far better to hand it over to God or the Universe of whatever you believe to be more powerful than yourself. Work hard and make the world a better place and really try to enjoy everything that you do, but don’t beat yourself up when something you have no control over gets in your way. These things happen and they are nobody’s fault.

Of course, some people thrive on making these lists, so if this is you, crack on. But if you’re wired like me, don’t feel like you’re letting yourself down by being a bit more free and easy about where you are going in the future. Just enjoy the adventure!

Much Love

Rachel xx