anyone else just freeze up?

When Life with the dreadful capital L

Heaps on the careful demands of the day

I don’t run into action with rifles and bombs,

I just stand in the trenches, waiting for death,

My heart in my mouth as I watch people burn,

In glory or pain, I’m never quite sure.

All that I know with the heaviest of hearts

Is I’ll never be seeing them ever again

Unless it’s on the front of a newspaper page.

I believe that life is made up of so many opportunities, and I also believe that I have probably let so many slip through my fingers. Watching Revolutionary Road last night, I heard one of the characters say that we have five or six of these life changing opportunities and most of us let them go and then wonder why we’re sitting in a life that we hate when we’re old and ready for the grave.

I can probably agree with a lot of that, but I also know that when I’m overwhelmed, I have a tendency to just freeze and I wonder how many opportunities I have lost through that? I certainly know that I’ve got myself into trouble with my freezing before.

At the moment, I have this essay and then a lot of lesson planning on my plate. It’s not too much for me to cope with but my head keeps telling me that it is and so I find myself sitting on the sofa, just staring at the wall. I’m not even doing something that I enjoy instead; I’m just wasting the time away.

Meanwhile, I feel like the rest of my cohort are running over the top and into the fire. Of course, they may be running away from safety, but surely it’s worth running to see where I end up? There may well be something amazing on the other side of that wall of fire, and I’ve just been too scared to run through and have a look.

I’ve decided that if I freeze, from now on, I’ll just start writing. So this might be a load of drivel, but at least it’s got me up and doing something. I just need to make the move so that I’m actually doing the thing I’m supposed to be doing!

Much Love,

Rachel xx

Take the bloody pills (plus poem)

So here we go. Let’s just acknowledge the fact that if we’re all going to do well in this crazy world we need to look after our minds. Mental health awareness has improved so much over recent years but there is still a long way to go. With people like the Cambridge’s drawing attention to the matter things can only get better which fills my heart with joy.

There are so many ways to help improve your mental health and none of them should be a cause of embarrassment. When I first got sober and decided I wanted to do something with my life I decided to go to therapy. I was so scared of what people thought of me and I felt really ashamed. But now that I have been going for just over two years I see therapy as a sensible thing to take advantage of. It’s really expensive but I was quite happy to spend my money on booze, so why not use that money that’s now freed up to do something positive for myself? I now think that you don’t have to be in crisis to go to therapy. I think it’s useful to talk through all problems in life with someone impartial.

And then there’s medication…..

So many people think that it’s ‘cheating’ to rely on a pill to make themselves feel better but this couldn’t be any further from the truth. If it’s going to make your life easier and more enjoyable then why wouldn’t you take it? If you were in physical pain you would take a painkiller and this is no different.

If your mental health is suffering then you just can’t perform anywhere near your best. The quiet sensitive people of the world really struggle with things like anxiety and although a little bit of stress can help performance it’s really easy to tip over the edge and have some serious problems. So love yourself and be kind to yourself. If you are struggling then speak to somebody, preferably a doctor or therapist. Life is there to be enjoyed so make sure that you can make the most of it.

Here’s a little poem I wrote to encourage you to look after your noggin and make you realise that there are people in the world who care about you, want you to feel good and definitely don’t want to loose you!

She said just take the bloody pills,

Your behaviour is the type that kills.

She told me with her tear filled eyes,

That what I do is not too wise.

You need to stop those crazy things you do,

Or else you may not make it through.

So go on, get up out of bed,

And sort your pretty little head.

You do deserve so much more,

You can’t imagine what’s in store.

So take the meds and do the work,

Chase your demons from where they lurk.

REMEMBER, it’s not a weakness to take the medication,

It’ll only help you chase your dreams with dedication.