I have found that I generally don’t seem to enjoy the one week half term holidays because I spend the whole time stressed out. The first half is spent worrying about all the things I did wrong over the last term. Then I hit Wednesday and I start to worry about everything bad that will happen on my return.
It doesn’t make for a relaxing time.
However, this time around, I’m on my first day and I already feel pretty chilled. It’s probably a combination of having a bit of sun, knowing that I can free wheel into the final few weeks, and the pressure of the interview being off.
Whatever the reason, I need to repeat it more often because holidays can sometimes be more stressful than working weeks. I don’t know how well it will go down with schools if I decide to go for an interview once every ten weeks – but I could be onto something.
I’m going to be the teacher that has to change job ever 10-12 weeks just so that I can enjoy the come down after an interview.
I’m going to be speaking to a head teacher about a position tomorrow evening. It’s not an interview, but it is a chance for me to find out a little bit about the school and the team that are looking for a teacher.
I’m feeling those familiar little flutters in my stomach. But even though they are familiar, I can’t decide whether it’s excitement or nerves. A while ago, it would have definitely been nerves and they would be so bad that I’d almost be throwing up.
But now I know that this is more about me finding out about them. Of course, he will be sizing me up a bit, as I want a job, but this is the time that I should be having some fun. Every other trainee has got a job in their placement school so they don’t have the fun of shopping around. I want this guy to sell his school to me!
I have been writing down all of my questions and now all I have to do is smile and be myself. I always used to try and put on this facade that just didn’t match what I was feeling. I’d try to behave like a girl boss and it’s not me. I’m a bit dizzy and that’s fine. And it’s probably best that they see that from the outset.
I can’t even be bothered to write a little poem right now. I’m not exactly tired, but I feel like I can’t function.
Between the nights getting longer and the dark creeping in earlier and earlier in the afternoon, and my brain just feeling so full, I’m just finding that I can’t function at the moment.
It’s making me feel really emotional and tearful, but I can’t even say that I’m sad. I’m just full up with ‘stuff’. I don’t know whether I’m coming or going and the end of term can’t come quick enough.
I cried on my way home tonight because I felt so frustrated. My brain is full to bursting point and I know that I still have so much more to learn. And then the job that I went for said that they didn’t even want to interview me. There are a million reasons why that might be the case, but it just feels like flat out rejection while I’m this tired.
I also watched as a teacher broke a child down to crying today. It wasn’t done maliciously and the teacher had every right to pull the kid to one side. But I can’t help but think about what might be going on in her life to make her behave the way that she does.
I’m just feeling so super sensitive to everything at the moment and it’s exhausting.
That said, I am sensitive to the good stuff too and I can still see what an awesome impact I can make on these kids’ lives. I’ve just got all the emotions at the moment and I think it’s become apparent that I might be in need of a rest!
I hope that you all have a restful weekend, especially if you need it as much as I do….
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