lovely leathery skin

hanging brown leather gloves
Photo by Yuliya Maranina on

I wish that my skin was lovely and leathery,

Tough and textured, unlikely to pierce,

It’ll take many years to form skin so thick,

But when it is formed I will wear it with pride,

And never a person will make my heart cry.

I really want to grow a thick skin. I have been told that it will happen in my line of work. But I have to say that it can’t happen quickly enough.

Every horrible look that I get from a student, and every rude comment, hurts me somewhere deep inside my heart. I guess this is a bit like exercising a muscle and the more I let this stuff roll off my back, the easier it will get. But crikey, I wish there was some kind of gadget I could buy off a shopping channel that would get me there quicker.

I think I need to design and patent such a gadget and I will make my millions. The ‘Battery Operated Skin Thickener’ would be the number one stocking filler this year if I could design and manufacture it in time.

So for all those people trying to soften their skin with creams and lotions, spare a thought for us who want a nice leathery skeletal covering.

Much Love

Rachel xx

could i have done it before?

clear glass heart shaped ornament
Photo by Anastasia Shuraeva on

Feeling a bit fragile with cracks forming fast,

Would I be able to seal them all up

With inadequate glue sticks and duct tape for strength?

But everyone sees that breaks that afflict

And so it’s quite easy for them to unpick.

Now I have tools, and suitable glue,

Delicate resin to hide the fine cracks,

Keeping me strong in pressurized times,

Getting back up, when life hits me hard.

When I was in my twenties I tried several times to climb the slippery corporate ladder – and quite unsurprisingly, I failed quite badly. And it was because I was too wobbly and fragile. I couldn’t handle the knocks that came with the added responsibility.

I did my teacher training because I felt that I had been sober for long enough and I had had enough therapy. I’m still wobbling all over the place and, if you read my post on Monday, you will know that I still cry (probably a little too much).

I do sometimes wonder if I could have done all of this any earlier in my life. I feel like the answer would probably be ‘no’.

Yesterday, I had an awesome conversation with the Head of House and today I had a great lesson with the problematic class. I know that come Friday something else will have knocked me and I’ll have to go about picking myself up again.

But I can pick myself up these days. And I can hold that in my mind, that the dark bits of life will pass.

I hope you have had a lovely day, and if you haven’t, I hope that this post has given you a little bit of hope.

Much Love

Rachel xx

PS I had a fourteen year old tell me to go f**k myself this morning, so today was still far from perfect – but I’m holding onto the wins.