do you believe in angels?

an angel smoking a cigarette
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Do you believe in angels?

Not the ones in sewn up sheets

With tinsel halos, hands in prayer

As twenty children sing about the baby Jesus.

I mean the type that come to us in times of need,

The ones that shouldn’t be there to

Rescue us when hope is dying,

When we question our mortality.

They’re there to lead is in the dark,

Provide a shell when really we should be

Battered to a broken mess

And ripped from all our earthly love.

I think I really must believe…

I don’t know what made me think about this, but there are definitely times in life when I feel like I have been protected by something a little bit bigger than myself. And I’ve read stories of other people who have had even closer shaves with death.

I’m talking about the stories we hear of people lost on trails, out in the middle of nowhere, and they are running out of water. And then out of nowhere comes somebody who leads them back to safety. There’s no reason for them to be right there at that time, but they are.

My close shave was in Cape Town. I was on a scooter with my partner and a taxi bus pulled in front of us. We hit the side of it square on and our heads went straight through the window. We bounced off and hit the road, hard. The bike pretty much shattered and the guy who came to take it away couldn’t understand how Colin and I had only come away with one cut finger and a grazed knee. He said every accident like it, that he had seen, involved the loss of a limb or worse.

The interesting thing was that just before we hit the taxi, a woman pressed the button for the crossing and we had to stop to let her cross. It was the first crossing that we had come across for about ten miles and it meant that we were driving about fifteen miles an hour slower than we had been when we hit.

If that woman had not stopped us, we probably would have been killed. I have no idea who she was and she probably didn’t even know that we crashed a couple of seconds later. Or did she?

Perhaps she was put there to make sure we didn’t meet an untimely death. And who knows what we might have been spared for? It just reminds me that sometimes I need to make it count. There may be a reason for it after all.

Much Love

Rachel xx

hours and hours on google maps

close up of world map
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I spent two hours dropping the little man with no face

Into various places around the world, places I’d been

With parents when I was small, and those I’d been to

On my own. Where I’d done bad things, kissed the boys

And made them cry. Where I got drunk and vomited

Into a flower pot. Where I disappeared into a dark alley

Holding the hand of an older boy. You can’t see

Down those alleys on Google Maps, but you can imagine

What has happened in their inky depths,

As drunken girls and boys come staggering forth

Laughing and looking forward to moving on,

Something that I never managed. Somehow I’m still stuck

There in Florida Road, aged twenty, wishing I was old.

Does anyone else sometimes go travelling the world on Google Maps? The other day I spent about an hour wandering up and down Florida Road in Durban, South Africa. I don’t know why I had the sudden urge to go back there, but I did. And I don’t even know if it made me feel all that good.

It certainly made me feel something. There was a pang, deep inside. I felt like I missed that place, but also felt a little like I had just been dropped back into my worst nightmare.

I was last there when I was twenty which is almost half a life time ago. I met my husband there and I spent several minutes just staring at that spot where we had our first conversation.

Perhaps, I am just searching for that nostalgic feeling, or to understand how my life got to where it is. I sometimes feel like that spot is where lightning struck; it is where my life changed. And sometimes I think it was for the best, and sometimes for the worst.

I guess we will only ever find out the answers once we’re at the end of our journey. In the meantime, I can keep pondering it as I travel the world from the comfort of my sofa. Or maybe I’ll buy a ticket somewhere and go start a new adventure?

Much Love

Rachel xx