Tag: love

romance fraud

roll of american dollar banknotes tightened with band
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The money drain through wires on fire

With lies and words that burn through skin.

She trusted him, his deep blue eyes

And promises of heartfelt love,

But really it cannot work out,

The distance and the age for one,

The cruelty of the scam.

I was listening to Jeremy Vine today and he was talking about romance fraud. For those not in the UK, Jeremy Vine has a radio show and he talks about things that have been in the news and takes calls from experts and the public to talk about their opinions and experiences.

Now I know what romance fraud is, I had just never heard it being given a name that was solid and real. It is where somebody gets scammed on line by a person that they thought they were in love with and I think most people have at least heard some of the horror stories about people losing thousands of pounds because of it.

A lot of the time, we listen to these stories and just shake our heads and think how stupid these people must be. But are they? Love is a bloody powerful drug and it can make us humans do some pretty crazy stuff.

I listened to the stories these callers had and I could feel my insides turn, thinking of the pain that they must have gone through. It must be such a shock to lose all that money, but they’re not just losing the money, they’re also losing love. And that must really hurt.

My ex husband saw me coming and he took a fair bit of money from me. Luckily, I didn’t have a lot to give because I was in my teens when he got his claws in. I came out of it with my savings account looking much lighter and the embarrassment of a failed marriage and it is always the loss of the love the hurts the most when I think back to that time.

It’s hard to know what to do in these situations because I think that it’s important we let our defenses down and try to find love, but it can also send you doolally. I guess I’d just say be careful. Don’t harden your heart (which is what I have done), but don’t put yourself at risk.

Much Love

Rachel xx

i kinda want to have a go at married at first sight

woman wearing white wedding dress holding flower bouquet standing on green field
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He stands there at the altar, back turned,

I don’t know his name, or who his mother is,

What his friends will think?

I couldn’t even take the Tinder leap

So what I’m doing here?

And hitching up my bridal skirts

I push those fearful thoughts way down

And let those words I need to form

Take their shape upon my tongue:

I do….

My dad and I love watching Married At First Sight Australia. It’s the trashiest TV you can find but it also opens a window into the world of somebody else’s marriage. ; something you don’t get to see all that often.

If you haven’t seen it before, they basically get a group of people who have never met and they get paired with somebody that the experts deem to be their perfect match. They are married and the wedding is the first time that they get to meet each other.

Understandably, there are some couples that fail miserably and these are the fun ones to watch. They offer the entertainment value and something for us to all laugh at.

But it does make me think about what makes a perfect match and you get to see how some people just sabotage relationship after relationship and they don’t seem to have any notion that they are to blame. I hope that getting sober has helped me to see my part in things that have gone wrong in the past, but I do wonder whether I would still fall into my old behaviours. Would there be anybody out there who could put up with me?

It has also interested me to think how I would fare on the show and whether I could stomach getting married to somebody I don’t know. To me, it feels like a real leap of faith and I don’t know if I would ever be brave enough.

I have even gone as far as looking at the application form….just wondering if I could do…..if I could be one of those lucky ones that it works out for.

Much Love

Rachel xx

what the weather lady said

wooden bench against brick building in park
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What the weather lady said on that Tuesday night

As I sat with chicken noodles perched on my lap,

She warned that the ice would freeze over hell

And the wind would sweep us up in her arms.

As the clock would strike ten, she said

We’d fall in love on the succulent clouds,

Tipping to midnight we’d be gently rained

Down to the lake where the row boat sailed

Like the owl and the pussy cat in the ghastly rhyme

We hoped that we’d reach the shoreline in time.

Life would be simple, she said through the screen,

If we stop looking to a future unknown.

It’s not possible, she said, tapping the glass,

We’re merely just guessing, making up stories

To occupy minds that wander too far

In the hope that we’ll find a love in the snow

And dig in our roots in order to grow.

to strive is to hurt

Striving up those cold and winding steps,

I see how futile this enterprise can be.

Those steps will never end, on and on they go,

Until you’re tired and lacking life,

And what is it that you have got?

Better give yourself to something bigger than you are,

Something you can bask within

And know that you’re enough.

You don’t need to look all tanned, and thin

And sad and hungry for some food and love.

Give it up and go along with that ebb and flow,

It’s quite the journey, don’t you know?

i really need a bottle of love

bazaar bottles business ceramic
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A bottle with a screw top, preferably,

So that I can take a sip and stow away the rest.

Just so I won’t have to take

Doses that I’d never handle in a million years,

A little here and there to stem the flow

Of hate that courses through my life,

But not enough to cause that pain

At the other end.

I won’t get into a relationship because I’m scared. I’m one of those people with an addictive personality, and I mean that in the worst possible way. Once I’ve removed the lid on something pleasant, I can’t put it back on for love nor money.

I sometimes wish that I could just dip my toe into love so that I could make myself feel more confident. I wish I could do it so that if it all goes wrong, all I have to deal with is something like a mild hangover.

Unfortunately, most people want to dive right in. And then when they fall out of love with you they cut you off just as quickly.

I hear that love is the most amazing feeling and that’s why people just fall into patterns where they date (unsuccessfully) over and over again. It’s just so that they can get those amazing feelings that come with the early stages of a relationship.

There is so much bad going on in the world at the moment that I feel like I need a sip of love, but the fear makes me just keep it on the shelf, looking down at me disapprovingly.

One day I will find the bravery needed.

Much Love,

Rachel xx

do you remember the day we moved in?

potted plant
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The day we moved in to that little place

We walked to the store, and bought red wine

And little squares of sweetest chocolate.

Shall we get one of these? you asked,

Holding aloft the cactus we shared.

It was small and tacky and I shrugged one shoulder;

I could think of better things to buy

With hard earned money made by scrubbing

Tables, floors and walls on knees.

We bought it anyway, and placed it on the sill,

Where I’d stare at it when you were out.

We called it Betty, and she was like a child;

A spiky offspring, hell bent on hurt.

Betty lasted longer than we did,

Eventually lost, in a move through heartbreak,

Probably finding her obstinate way

Into the life of someone better,

Equipped and loving and falling in lust.

junk emails

I pick through inbox rubbish

Weeding out the worthy princes

Asking for my savings to

Be sent to bank accounts

In Africa, it’s fine,

I’ll get a million back.

And then there’s ads

For pills delivered to my door

And hats for cats

And other curiosities

That I’ll never need.

And then I scroll down to your name

And see the subject line.

I’ve read those words a thousand times:

It’s me, not you,

I’ll miss you more

Than you’ll ever know.

the boy who loved his teacher

She taught him shards of Romeo

And Juliet in lover’s tongue

He watched her as she paced her stage

Before the class with pen in hand

Reaming out the lines as one.

Her summer dress just skimmed her thighs

And auburn hair was piled up high

With sunshine flitting through the blinds

And picking out those golden strands.

He sat and watched her pour out lines,

Wishing he could read with her

And thanking Shakespeare for his words,

For scrawling them across a page

That stood the test of wretched time

And made their way to days so filled

With iPad screens and mobile phones

And Miss Savoy, in Form 7B

The woman that he knew would stay

Forever lodged inside his mind

As perfect love, his untouched Juliet.

surely love deserves a voice?

glass of rose wine
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We don’t stare at the bottle of wine

When we need to unwind

We pop out that cork

And drink in the fumes

Pour out a glass of cabernet red

And drink in the richness

Of a spell cast for us all alone.

Now, I don’t drink anymore but I still remember that feeling of the first glass slipping down after a long day at work. And I certainly wouldn’t have just stared at the bottle. I’d have sometimes been in there before I’d even left the car.

And I’ve found that love is pretty much the same. You can look at it all you want, but until you say the words and admit your feelings, you can’t really enjoy the effects.

I am unbelievably unlucky in love but there was this one guy. We worked together and I would feel my heart hammer every time he came into the office. And then we started to hang out outside of work and I started to fall deeper and deeper.

I would go over to his house every Saturday night and we would sit on his sofa and laugh until 2am. Every time I went over I would tell myself that I was going to say something to him. And all my friends knew that I liked him, but I didn’t say anything to the one person who mattered.

I found out on Facebook that he had gotten himself a girlfriend and I was heartbroken. I was angry at him and I lashed out and never saw him again. I lost a friend and somebody that I loved.

I didn’t tell him how I felt because I was scared to be vulnerable. I couldn’t bear the thought of him rejecting me, but the alternative was worse.

Don’t be like me and just stare at the bottle. Enjoy life and take the risk.

Much Love

Rachel xx

ghost

I dream of ghosts that haunt

Ladies in voluminous white

And gentlemen ready to offer

A hand to dance or take in marriage.

I dream that one day you can be

The romance that another girl will wish

When she wanders through

The abbey’s haunted walls

Noose in hand, and ready to take

A final leap for love.