in the library with the angels

city buildings and trees during golden hour
Photo by Roberto Nickson on Pexels.com

A gentle touch on a puckered shoulder,

Shivers as the cold seeps through the skin,

Of course, we cannot see, just a feeling

Like cloying fog swirling round my legs;

I could go limp, knowing it won’t catch

This lovely bag of bones, but still it infiltrates

And knows my deepest thoughts, my dreams

That stream of consciousness that haunts

A day, a night, a world that’s kept behind

A heavy curtain only to be released

When kissed by death in distant years to come.

I love that movie, City of Angels. It stars Nicholas Cage and Meg Ryan and Cage plays an angel that falls in love with Ryan. It’s one of the saddest movies you’ll ever watch but there are so many moments and ideas that I really hope are true.

For starters, I really hope that there are angels out there and that they look after us while we are here on Earth. I particularly like the scenes that are set in the big library where all of the angels hang out. They like to stay there because it is quiet and they can hear the inner thoughts of the people who have come there to study or read. They put their hand on the human’s shoulder and they just listen to what is going on in their heads.

As I am back in a further education setting again I am around a nice library and it just made me think of that film. I just sat quietly and imagined that there was somebody placing a loving and protective hand on my shoulder. Sometimes, as humans, we just need to know that there is somebody there who cares.

And that is what I feel when I sit in a library.

Much Love

Rachel xx

tennis at night

quite tennis field during nighttime
Photo by Tomas Andreopoulos on Pexels.com

I watch them from the warmth, their matchstick bodies

Thrown across the court, underneath the light,

Bright and white, unwavering. Their breath

Hangs in icy clouds as groans erupt from lungs

That long for wins in quiet pockets of the night.

They play to knock the wrongs, the awful shit

That rattles round their heads, they long for peace

And echoes of that devil ball, hitting racket, hitting court,

Becomes a meditation on the frosty day, as night

Begins to settle and the floodlights mark their world.

Outside their court their demons dance

In darkness, clawing at the fence of wire

In the knowledge that their prey is there, ready

For that moment when the game is won

And bags are packed, a silent walk with heads

Bowed low, in prayer. In contemplation they will leave

And sit in cars, windows fogged from deepest breaths.

A moment taken, quietness is needed

As the court lights dip and music plays

To end the show, the tennis was but secondary

In this battle late at night. And that is why

They play this hour as I stare, wishing that

I had an outlet just like that, to while away

Those lonely hours after darkness falls.

the grateful exercise

I am watching the Netflix show that introduces us to the benefits of meditation. It is narrated by a guy who left his life in the Western world and went to live with monks in the Tibetan mountains where he learnt the benefits of meditation.

In the last episode that I watched, he introduced an exercise to show us what makes us grateful in life. It’s really easy to lose sight of what we love as we are constantly told to strive for more and more and it is sometimes important to take a moment to just stop.

He told us to shut our eyes and drop the question into our mind to just see what comes up. The example he used was a guy that had a lovely family and house and career, but when he did this exercise it was his morning coffee that he realised was the thing in life that he was most grateful for.

I did the meditation and the thing that leapt into my mind was my commute to work. I’m one of those people that loves to listen to the radio. I get so much from listening to the presenters talking to me as if they are my friends. And then I love to belt along to the music (especially the power ballads).

I know it seems a little cliched at the moment, to look at what makes you grateful, but I find it interesting to see what little things mean so much to me. I just need to wait for the day when I can start commuting again. I never thought I’d say it, but I think I miss it.

Much Love

Rachel xx