the little black book

black pencil on white paper
Photo by Miguel Á. Padriñán on

She could take down the town

With the names in that book,

Those names up in lights

Who’ve so much to lose.

But what makes her write

Those names and those numbers

That could shine a bright light

On all that is wrong

With the world that we know.

I’m watching the Ruby Wax programme and in it she returns to all of her most famous interviews from the 90’s. I felt particularly drawn to the interview she did with Heidi Fleiss who I had never actually heard of before.

She was a madame who hooked up the richest and most powerful men with the most beautiful women, for who knows what.

It interested me because they referred to her little black book that could have brought down the town. It was interesting because she was due to go to prison for what she was doing, and when I look at the world today, I wonder if anything would have played out differently now?

I wonder if the #metoo movement would have protected her and uncovered the men? And I wonder what made her get into that business? Was the power and money, really worth it? And would it be worth it now? I wonder what I would do with a little black book that had all that power?

So many questions…

Much Love

Rachel xx


brown wooden cubes
Photo by Shamia Casiano on

There’s nothing more powerful

Than knowing you’re in it together.

That you’ve both experienced the same,

Walking a path that others have feared,

To come out at the end of it all,

Quiet and shaken, but whole.

You think you’re alone when someone reaches out

And calls in your ear, “me too.”

I think that the whole #metoo movement was so powerful because it brought something that was never talked about into the open. Women that had suffered at the hands of powerful men, came out of the darkness and finally stood together.

And there is nothing more invigorating than finding that other people have been through something that you have; something that was difficult and that you have kept under wraps.

Sometimes it’s really isolating to go through something difficult. You can think that you are the only person to have gone through it, and shame keeps you from sharing your experience with anyone else.

For me, the alcoholic years of my life were the most difficult and I genuinely did think that I was alone. So when I stepped into meetings where there were other people like me, the feeling was amazing. I wasn’t alone, at last.

The other day I was at work and one of my colleagues opened up to me that she was a recovering alcoholic. I’m new to the school and I don’t want to go shouting about all of my problems so I would never have dreamed of saying anything under normal circumstances.

But, hearing her say that she had the same problem as me struck a chord and I ended up almost shouting “me too”. And it felt like something bound us together in that one moment.

I really think that those two words are more powerful than “I love you”. Coming out of the dark and realizing that somebody else is there with you is just the weirdest feeling…..and the nicest.

I hope that you have a fabulous week and that you get to say “me too” at some point.

Much Love

Rachel xx