it’s not intuition, it’s experience

person on truck s roof
Photo by Aidan Roof on

You can’t just be born with it,

It has to be earned,

With hours of grind

And those tears you cry now

Are the same that I cried

When I wore your shoes.

I had an observation done on my lesson by my Head of Department and it really didn’t go too well. They are a boisterous class so as soon as she walked in I felt my heart sink.

I have shuffled the seating plan and tried everything in my power to calm them down, to no avail. She came back after the lesson and told me I need to be tougher on them (no surprise there).

However, like any good leader should do, she left me with two suggestions to try and make my life a bit easier. I half rolled my eyes, but I am always willing to learn, so I put them into practice today.

And blow me down, I had the best lesson ever with them.

I finished the lesson convinced that my Head of Department was magic. I was sure that this woman must have some mad gut instinct, but as I reflected on it, I realised that she had something far more precious. Experience.

That stuff is like gold dust and unfortunately it has to be earned over many years. But I was also reminded of the fact that I’ve only been flying solo for a mere six months, so is it fair to beat myself up for not knowing how to fix things?

One day I’ll look back at this time and probably have a little laugh at myself. It would be amazing to have that intuition just magically inside me, but alas, I’ll just have to put up with this agony for another 20+ years.

Much Love

Rachel xx

is there actually a point?

Blowing through the summer air with little more

Than a kernel of the knowledge that we need

To get from A to B.

We’ll sometimes find ourselves tangled in the trees

With little more than gentle gusts to work us free.

We’ll get there in the end,

I’m just not sure what we’re supposed to be doing

In the middle bit?

I’m feeling a tad bit lost. This weekend it feels like everything has hit me like a tonne of bricks. The realisation that my mum is gone to God knows where, my childhood home has gone and I have to go and sit in front of a panel tomorrow to tell them why I think they should award me my QTS.

All things have heaped up and now I feel a little bit like I’m not quite where I should be or if I’m even doing it right.

I do get this feeling every so often and it does really frighten me. No amount of pharmaceuticals can make me feel better and it feels a little bit like someone is rubbing a giant cheese grater up and down my brain.

I wonder if there is anyone out there who knows what they are doing or if they feel there is a point? I’d love to know the secret.

Much Love

Rachel xx