the dating show

There’s an abundance of those shows on TV,

The ones where strangers meet in circumstances

Different to the normal ones that hold the world in place.

One day, I applied for one. The type with food,

Cooking to be precise.

I made it on.

He cooked for me in his London flat, with camera crew

Packed into the space. Hardly romantic,

And I found myself perspiring, needing a drink.

I downed a gin and tonic, before he served a starter.

Soup, velvety and smooth,

Then chicken with a white wine sauce

And chocolate sundae for dessert.

He didn’t pick me as his favourite,

He went for Becky, a gorgeous blonde who laughed

At all his jokes and touched his leg, underneath the table.

I shouldn’t care, but I do,

Rejected on TV, an audience there

To watch my red faced shame. I’ll never go again,

On a dating show.

how to get on tv

Be as loud and wacky as possible

Wear the loudest clothing you can find

Say quirky things and maybe do a rap

Lose all inhibitions

And generally make a bit of a tit

Out of your otherwise perfect reputation.

I make a list of ‘resolutions’ at the beginning of each year and every list for the last five years has had ‘appear on TV’ on it. These are always fun little goals like ‘read three classics’ and ‘eat strawberries and cream at Wimbledon during the tournament’. So nothing too difficult, although some of them take a bit of planning.

The TV one always seems to get away from me because I just don’t think that I’m interesting enough to get on any of the shows that I enjoy. And when I say ‘interesting’ I really mean ‘weird’.

My dad and I always sit and watch shows like Come Dine With Me and we’re not quite sure how the producers have found so many ‘interesting’ people over the years. We’re sure they must be running out of them soon, but still they come.

From years of watching these reality shows I have deduced that the key to getting on is to be as outlandish as possible. I’m just not sure that I have the guts to go on national TV and make a tit out of myself, just yet. Anyone else done it before? I’d love to know about your experience…..

Much Love

Rachel xx

make me famous, please

I was a different person before,

When I hid behind the curtain of

Blissful anonymity.

Now my flaws are glaring beams

That sweep across the open page.

I can’t go back, that door has closed,

But deep inside the eye of my mind

I’ll always be that girl from way back when.

I just watched the BBC drama called Make Me Famous and I have to say it blew me away. I only had it on in the background to start with but I checked the TV guide and the subject matter drew me in for the second half.

It was basically about a guy who ‘won’ a place on a reality TV show and how the initial excitement eventually became a nightmare as his new found fame sent his old life spiralling down the drain.

It is a subject that I’m always fascinated by and I think that this dramatised it really well. I am so interested in the psychology behind reality shows and I have been since the early days of Big Brother when they had psychologists on the Sunday night episode, dissecting the behaviour of the housemates that week.

The world seems to be obsessed with getting famous but people seem to forget that it’s not all about the adulation. One wrong step, and the public can turn and we have seen this several times in recent months.

Reality TV is another beast anyway because these people are not given the training or gentle introduction to the business. People who have gone to drama school and earned their fame in small steps get to build up to the point where everyone knows their name. Reality stars just get thrown into the deep end.

I sometimes find myself wishing that I could have a bit of fame so that I could have lots of people tell me how great I am and I can have a bit more money. But then I remember what could happen and I remember how wobbly I can get if one person says something nasty about me. And then I know that I’d never want that.

I’ll just keep plodding away at my writing and hope that I can get some nice reviews on Goodreads. God knows what I’ll do if anyone gives me a star rating below three!

Much Love

Rachel xx