what a waste

clear glass with red sand grainer
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She thought that time was on her side

As the grains of sand slipped through,

Counting down to the bitter end,

And yet she lost a half of it,

Maybe even more.

She wished that she had held on tight

And used those early days

Wisely and with integrity,

What she could have now achieved.

But was it really wasted or

Did those dark and broken years

Need to be a building block

To where she fell and breathed her last.

I sometimes wonder if my life would have been any better if I had got myself sorted out a bit earlier. I drank to medicate an anxiety that ate me up and I didn’t deal with issues because of it. I hopped from job to job and friends always fell by the wayside. It was pretty chaotic.

However, there is the possibility that I needed to go through some of that rubbish to get where I am now. There is no guarantee that if I had stopped drinking and got some therapy when I was twenty, that I would have earned a million or be running my own company right now.

I look at some people in recovery who didn’t get sober until they were in their sixties and I realise that I have been given a real gift. Those people must really sit and wonder what would have been if they had stopped earlier.

I like to think that the bad stuff we have been through is necessary. In a way, I think that our paths are already written in the stars and we don’t have a great deal of choice in the matter. I think that the only thing we do have some choice in is that we are kind as we follow that path to God knows where.

Much Love

Rachel xx