oh, the shame

It makes my face burn hot, red with shame

As I peer through classroom doors

And see those shouts, the language too.

I didn’t bring them up this way,

To drag my name through sludgy mud

And make that dirt stick to my skin.

Now, I’ve just started my second teaching placement at the same school that my son goes to. He is in Year 11 so I’ve not seen him in lessons but I have been told by staff that he is ‘a lovely boy’. And I’m glad to hear that because I’d feel really let down if I knew he was misbehaving.

But there are some kids that I teach that have absolutely no respect for teachers, they refuse to open their books and get writing, they roll their eyes when you ask them to do something and they seem to think rules don’t apply to them.

I look at these kids and I wonder what their parents would think if they were to come in and watch a lesson. Would they actually care? And what do they teach their kids at home to make them think that their behaviour is acceptable in school?

I wonder if they would feel any shame? I would love to get them in for a lesson without their kids knowing just so they can see what we have to put up with. I wish that they could teach their kids some manners.

I’ll get off my soapbox now. But I am very angry after a day of being ignored by teenagers. God, I feel old!

Much Love

Rachel xx

well, i guess it’s not that bad

selective focus photograph of black crow
Photo by Tom Swinnen on Pexels.com

There are times when I moan and moan about things that really do feel bad. And then you watch the news or a documentary about somebody who has something really awful happening to them and you get that dull pang in your heart. You realise what a selfish piece of work you are and then you feel really bad about yourself.

This happens to me all of the time. I don’t think that we should be judging people on the quality of their misery though. What really hurts to you, might mean nothing to me, and vice versa. I hate it when people make out that celebrities don’t have the right to be miserable because they are rich. All the money in the world can’t take away tragedy and illness.

But sometimes, I think I’m struggling and then I hear about somebody else that is suffering worse than me and, no matter how hard I try, I can’t help but giggle at their pain.

I bumped into somebody from my course today and she was telling me that she was having a dreadful time at her school placement. I nodded knowingly, thinking about my own problems with interfering parents, thinking she was going to have similar woes.

She went on to tell me that she isn’t teaching at all because the school can’t seem to get organised. But she continued about how the head of department lies around in the work room vaping. Then they also have a wild bird that comes into the office. The staff feed it and it just flies around inside and they think nothing of it. She made the mistake of leaving her notebook in the office and it had been pecked to pieces by the time she got back.

I knew I shouldn’t laugh, but this just tickled me and was enough to give me a bit of a kick into the final week of half term. I can do this; I’m not being attacked by any wildlife, so I can’t complain.

Much Love

Rachel xx

essay writing…..i’m half way there

It’s a mountain, you know,

Getting to the end of this road,

It stretches up, and when I think I’m there,

I raise my eyes and see how far there is to go

And I’m never sure that it’ll ever end.

I know it will,

It just feels that way.

Ugh, I’m writing my first academic essay in about a decade and I feel like my eyes are bleeding. I’m halfway and this has been a painful experience already. I can only imagine how terrible the second half will be.

I’ve done quite a few epic endurance events and I’m going to have to attack this in much the same way. It’s going to be a case of getting my head down and ignoring the pain. Just motor on; it doesn’t matter that you have stress fractures in your legs and you still have twenty miles to go. You just do it.

I just hope that I’m a little more disciplined than I was in my last 100 mile event as I bonked out at 80 miles. That is not an option this week. No bonking!

Much Love

Rachel xx