She sits in bathtubs filled to brim

With champagne and bubble bath,

Her sister reads the paper and her blood runs cold

As she scans the photos in the rag.

This isn’t how a princess acts

But as the history books are written

And the times begin to change, as they always do,

We see that she was out the front,

Laying pavements for the younger ones

To tip toe over cautiously.

But still those paving slabs were laid

And now we take for granted that

We can follow hearts and deep desires

And not have sisters back at home

Holding heads in firm frustration.

So, I’m a huge fan of the royals, and the queen in particular. She has lived a life of duty and very rarely put a foot wrong. But she has had to live that life and so it wouldn’t be surprising to imagine her holding her head in shame as she watched her sister being a bit of a rebel.

I have been watching the documentary that the BBC are showing on Princess Margaret and I found that it was hard to tell what different people thought of her. On the one hand, she was partying and making a mockery of the establishment, and on the other, she was this trailblazing figure that was ahead of her time.

I, personally, quite admired the way she chose to live her life. She fought against the rules and she married who she loved and divorced when that love went away.

It has got me thinking about whether I actually like trailblazers. I admire their tenacity and the way that they move things forward, but I also love tradition and the safety and comfort that comes with it.

I wonder if the queen was actually holding her head in her hands with shame, or was it that she felt a bit envious of her sister who had none of the responsibilities that had been lumped on her.

I just find it an interesting dynamic and I do wonder if her getting her divorce was a good or bad thing? All of the queen’s children have now divorced and I can’t ever see that as good, surely a stable family and monarchy is always better?

If you are facing changes at the moment, perhaps you should pause and think about where you go next. Maybe your go-to plan of action isn’t going to work this time around. If you are a fan of change then maybe you should try to slam on the brakes for a bit. And if you always opt for your old ways, try to be the trailblazer. I’d be interested to know if it makes you happier or your life better. My guess is that we need a healthy balance of both and that’s always going to be a tricky balance to strike.

Much Love

Rachel xx

baby steps

Standing in the toilet cubicle

My sleeve clenched tightly between my teeth

In the hope that the scream that’s boiling up

In my throat, ready to escape,

I hope to God, it won’t make it out.

I’m embarrassed, face burning, eyes stinging

And wishing that I could run across the great expanse

Of concrete to my car, my place that’s safe

With child locks on so no one claws their way inside.

It sounds quite desperate, doesn’t it?

When really I could break it down,

One small cube, held up to the light

Can look quite beautiful, like a little jewel

And not the mountain I am crying over.

Anyone else ever considered doing a runner from work? When everything is getting so on top of you, that running across the car park and never coming back is preferable to facing that mountain of problems that has built up?

I am ashamed to say that I’ve actually done it. I didn’t run, but I did casually sashay out of the office, get in my car and then speed away without looking backwards. And it’s all because I let things build up until it’s just too much to deal with.

I don’t want this blog to become a self help manual but I know that writing down my own advice will help me, because it always helps to write down my own pearls of wisdom. I might then actually start acting on it!

I found myself getting that feeling of being overwhelmed today. I’m starting a course and I need to get a tonne of paperwork sorted which is enough to induce a panic attack in itself. But I had let it all build up to the point where I couldn’t see the top of that mountain.

And you know how I’ve started to fix it? I’ve started to write a list and tick two things off a day, so I’ve already got rid of two this evening. And that is my really rubbish and really obvious advice. Write a bloody list!!!

Can you believe that took about three grand’s worth of therapy and there I am giving it to you for free. You are welcome, and I hope you have a wonderful evening.

Much Love,

Rachel xx


this coming year i promise that

i’ll eat less chocolate, get more sleep,

i’ll be a lot less moody and

these promises i’ll keep.

Just a short one as I think about the end of the year and what next year might bring. I don’t know about you but I’m a tiny bit shit at keeping my New Year’s Resolutions. The amount of times I did Dry January with the intention of carrying on in the rest of the year is astounding. Of course, I did crack the drink problem eventually, but it took a lot more than a half arsed promise that I was making myself at midnight on 31 December.

Resolutions are so hard to keep and yet we beat ourselves up when we fail at them. I think that this year we need to promise to be a little kinder to ourselves. We over eat and over drink because we are stressed out and hating life. It is the immediate gratification that we are after and if we were a little nicer to ourselves we wouldn’t need it half as much.

This year, take a step back from the root cause. You may have an alcohol problem, in which case, go and get the appropriate help. But it may just be that you are pushing yourself a little too hard. Take your foot of the gas and you may find that you are only craving the drink at the end of the week rather than at the end of every day!

You can achieve so much in 2020 if you put your mind to it. But don’t stress yourself out by making some arbitrary goals at the end of this month. Follow your heart as the year progresses and see where it leads you. That marathon that you’ve always wanted to do might get done this coming year or it might not happen until 2025. Whatever the case, you will achieve SOMETHING this year and you should celebrate that as and when it comes.

Much Love,

Rachel xx

5 ways to deal with twats when you work with the public

Today was rough. I work in a shop and that means that I have to deal with the public ALL DAY LONG. Nine times out of ten they are lovely people that have been brought up well and don’t want to inflict pain and misery onto their fellow humans.

But then there is always that one that seems to be a little bit unhinged and you wonder how they manage to get through the day without killing someone. And today, I came across one of them.

Now, normally I would just brush it off for what it is: a twat who needs to learn to show some basic manners (sorry, I’m not sounding very patient or kind, but it really upsets me when people are horrible for no reason)! But today, I was tired and already feeling sensitive and it just got to me.

I don’t know if anyone wants to hear my woes but my mother has cut my dad, my son and I out of her life and is being really nasty to us and it’s having a really deep impact on my emotional state. I know that it’s my inner child feeling really vulnerable and I could quote a whole load of Freudian psychobabble, but I’ll save it for another day. However, it is what it is and it has cut me deep to feel that my own mother has rejected me.

Anyway, I spent my entire shift feeling like I could hardly breathe because I was feeling so much emotional pain, and then in the last hour this guy comes in. He started shouting at me about the fact that there was no pictures of the meal deal so he didn’t know what “fucking sandwich” he could have. He then threw said sandwich back into the fridge and stalked off.

It then so happened that I had to serve the guy and I got so overwhelmed by his aggression that I had to walk to the back and cry. I completely crumpled and my colleague found me in a ball on the floor, sobbing.

Of course, that led to me spontaneously crying throughout the final hour of my shift and I looked like crap for the whole time. It was horrific and embarrassing and it made me think a little bit about what it was that was going through this guy’s mind and how I could deal with this in the future.

So here are a few things that I think that you can try to hold on to next time you find yourself in a similar situation.

  1. This is the ‘twat’s’ problem, not yours. There is something in his life that has caused him sufficient pain to think that his behaviour is necessary. People who are happy and in no pain do not go around being a dick to the people who are trying to do their job.
  2. You are a nice person, so don’t let this person’s words chip away at that. Hold onto that thought tightly. My problem today was the fact that I let go of that thought and allowed his words to dig themselves deep inside of me. Sometimes people tell you to just ‘grow a thicker skin’ which can sound a bit insensitive, but it’s really important that you do build a defence so that you can protect yourself for your own sanity.
  3. Be assertive. It can sometimes just take a few stern words to put this jerk back in his place. Don’t put yourself in any danger if the person looks like they may be getting violent, but do tell them that their behaviour is unacceptable if you feel it is safe to do so. Half the time, these idiots don’t even know that they’re causing upset; telling them that they are making you feel uncomfortable and you will be calling a manager or even the police if they continue will normally get them to pipe down.
  4. Walk away if it’s getting too much. You don’t have to subject yourself to that if you don’t want to. Again, it’ll send them a strong message that their behaviour is not acceptable.
  5. If you need a little cry or you need to vent afterwards, that’s absolutely fine. I used to bottle it all up and then it would explode further down the line, normally getting me into trouble. It’s far better to have a cry for ten minutes and get it all out right there and then. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and most people will be really understanding. My colleagues today all rallied around to give me a hug and make me a drink while I took a little time out.

I feel your pain if you are faced with one of these idiots. I call them idiots because I’m angry and upset tonight, but deep down I know that that doesn’t make me any better than them. They are hurting people who just need some love. I hope and pray that the man who yelled at me is now out of pain and that somebody has listened to him and shown him some love.

If you have a friend who is acting out like this, make sure that you take the time today to listen to their problems. Show them some understanding and hopefully we can start to make the world a slightly nicer place to live in for everyone.

Much Love,

Rachel xx

The Parenting Journey (a poem)

Sometimes when you set out into the land of parenting you can be a little bit gung ho and think that everything is just going to fall into place. You think that you will give birth to this rosy cheeked angel who will grown into the perfect child and then the perfect teenager and the journey will end when they fly the nest as a fully formed adult.

But in reality we all know it’s not quite that simple. We forget that most of the time we spend struggling with next to no sleep. Partners who seemed almost perfect suddenly become an annoyance at best; at worst, they disappear altogether and leave you to do the job all on your lonesome.

It’s a really difficult road to traverse and a lot of people gloss over the horrible bits. That’s pretty much what this poem aims to address. It’s the pain and the agony, the tears and the tantrums in all of their technicolour glory. It’s true that children really are a blessing but life is difficult and parenting really brings this message to the forefront. So without further ado, I give you The Parenting Journey:

The blurred and fuzzy black and white

image doesn’t seem so right

knowing that the little bean is mine.

I’ve seen it played out for

The other couples that deserve it more,

That know the way to sparkle and to shine

As loving leaders who will guide

That little child and push aside

The horrors that can plague our earth.

And when the babe is finally born,

And our hearts are gladly torn

Into shreds that have no worth,

We realise without a doubt

That older worries all mean nowt,

As new life starts to take its root.

There will be pain and hurt and strife

As there is as part of life

And that’s a point you can’t dispute.

So then you have to watch them grow

Even though it hurts you so

To watch them stumble, trip and fall,

When all that’s running over, round and through

Your mind are all the things that are not true

That hold you back from standing tall.

It’s all a bunch of hurtful lies

That are designed to close your eyes

To all the things you do so well.

You’ve brought him up through all these years

Of fun, of laughter and some tears.

Sure you lose your temper, you may yell.

You may wonder what it is that keeps you going,

And then you see him as he’s growing

And see the journey you are taking.

You realise it’s worth the struggle,

The daily battles that you juggle,

Because there’s love with no mistaking.

I’m embarrassed about my dreams!

I’ll make no apologies about saying that I have the biggest girl crush on two women and they are Mel Robbins and Rachel Hollis. I know that both of them can be a bit Marmite but I love them both, and unashamedly so. And the reason that I love them? Because they are not embarrassed to tell the world what they want and then get after at!

This post in itself is inspired by something I heard Mel Robbins say in a video I watched this morning. I was looking for a little bit of oomph so I did my usual and I put on some Youtube. And one of the first things that I heard was this: Don’t be embarrassed to give voice to your dreams.

Mel was saying that she had this vision that she wanted to be just like this guy who owned several talk shows and when she was in college it seemed like such a far out dream that she didn’t dare tell anyone. I mean, if someone asks what you want to be when you graduate and you tell them that you want to be a talk show host they’re going to laugh. Or are they?

Because deep down most people have a dream that is pretty wacky, so much so that they never say it out loud. Deep down those people are wishing that they too had the guts to say it out loud, because once you start declaring it to the world it frees you up to start working towards it. The fact of the matter is that most people will secretly be really jealous that you have the courage to come out with it and say what you really want.

So with that in mind, I want to declare what my weird and wonderful dream is. I don’t care that it is embarrassing to admit it, because I know that the only reason it’s embarrassing is because I’m so far away from it at the moment.

My goal is to be able to stand up and inspire people just like Mel and Rachel. I want to give people courage and that little bit of pazazz that they need to get on in life. I also want to have books that are traditionally published and make the bestseller lists and I want to talk on the radio. I’m not that interested in TV, but I’ve always had a thing about listening to people’s voices. I’m not cool enough to be on Radio One so maybe Two could be my place?

I really hope that this inspires you to step out and make your goals known. I’d like to challenge you to a few things and perhaps we can do them together? I’d really like to hear how it goes and whether you notice forward motion quickly or slowly? So here’s three things that I’ll commit to doing and I hope that some of you will too

  • Tell at least three people in your life what you want to achieve. Say it with a straight face and conviction so that they know you’re deadly serious. I’d be interested to see what kind of reaction you get back.
  • Take a step towards achieving part of your overall vision. I have no idea how to get into public speaking but I am going to try and land a gig. Give yourself a specific time goal. I’m going to say before the end of the year.
  • Visualise achieving your goal every day.
  • Tell a stranger that you’ve already achieved it. Obviously, if you want to win an Oscar and you’ve never even been on a film set, you might not want to go in with that. Perhaps tell someone that you’ve had a bit part on a day time TV show. Enjoy the praise and attention that you get so that you can try it on for size. It’s only a bit of fun and I’m not asking you to get yourself into trouble with any big lies! In fact, don’t call it lying, just call it experimentation!
  • Start networking. Get material and positive vibes out into the world because it will all bounce back eventually. You don’t need to be suited and booted and handing out business cards at networking luncheons. That kind of thing makes my stomach turn. But do write lots of content and comment on people’s posts and profiles with energy and gusto.
  • Have fun. This is the most important because what’s the point in achieving your goals if they are not making you happy? And you may tell that stranger that you’re an actress and hate the attention. If that’s the case then maybe you know you’re barking up the wrong tree. You might need to change direction completely or just modify your goals ever so slightly. My overall message is that life is a gift and we need to enjoy as much of it as possible. We can easily make mistakes and that’s not a bad thing if we learn from them.

The first step to success is this…

Are you struggling to get yourself moving in life? There are so many areas that we are trying to juggle and sometimes it’s really easy to drop one of the balls. And the way to make sure that you are able to pick it back up and get moving again is to tell people about it.

Perhaps your fitness goals have fallen off the radar and you know that you need to pour some time and energy into that area of your life. Perhaps you have decided that the way to do this is to run a 10k or a marathon, or even an ultra marathon! It’s all very well setting yourself this goal, but how are you going to hold yourself accountable?

The most obvious way is to TELL SOMEBODY ABOUT YOUR GOAL! If you tell somebody then you have to put the training in otherwise they are going to be disappointed when they next check in with you. And that person can help! They can be your cheerleader and encouragement on the journey. If you are starting a new business they may be able to provide that key contact to jet propel you to the next level. If you’re trying to stop drinking that person you tell can be the person to take you off to the cinema rather than a night at the bar with all your boozy friends.

You also need to tell people what you need emotionally. It helps to tell people if you’re feeling drained because then they know what to do to help you. It might just be a case of them coming around to have coffee with you to perk you up when you’re feeling low. Tell your friends and colleagues how you feel! And tell them what you need!

This video goes a little deeper into this topic. Please give it a watch and hopefully it will give you a push in the right direction.

Much Love,

Rachel xx

Find your ONE person

So I’m a creative type and that means I like to make things. I like to make lots of things and pump them out into the world. And that is really fun but sometimes I really want success and I just don’t get it in the way that I sometimes want. I sometimes want numbers and I want them as high as possible.

But like so many people I don’t get those high numbers. So why would I want to carry on? It’s because I really want to touch a person’s heart and it doesn’t matter if it is just one person. I want to know that at least one person has read my work or seen a picture that I’ve drawn and it’s made them feel better. I don’t really care all that much if my instagram has less than 100 followers, as long as one of those followers smiles when they see what I post.

I heard a writer once say that they were at a signing and somebody came up to them and said that their book changed there life. And she said that was better than making the New York Times best seller list, and that was great. So find your ONE person and be grateful that you could have that effect on someone.