I was sitting on the sofa, almost hyperventilating as I prepared for another online lesson. Deep breaths, in and out, trying to calm my racing heart. And I wondered whether the kids ever have even an inkling that we adults are sometimes scared.
I know that I’m probably a slightly more nervous person that the average but I sometimes feel that I’m about to pass out with the nerves when I’m just about to stand up and take the lesson. It’s even worse online, because we have all that technology that could go wrong.
I have listened back to some of my lessons and I seem really calm and in control which doesn’t match up with anything that I am feeling on the inside. So, can a kid really know that I’m quite literally dying?
Sometimes I think that we are unaware how much kids do pick up on, but on the other hand, I think that sometimes we worry about nothing. I’m there worrying that the kids won’t learn the inner workings of Romeo’s mind, when actually they’re chatting on another line and not even listening to me.
I’m not kid bashing here, but I am writing this to tell myself that I’m not the centre of their universe. A lot of them don’t care and those that do (yay for them!) are really busy jotting down notes. Literally anything I say is useful to them! I just need to remember that.
And if you are worried about what people are thinking about you, you are in my thoughts because it’s a horrible feeling. But the truth is that we’re not really all that important to them. And if we are important to them, then they should love us anyway.