not a girl, not yet a woman

She was a baby just a breath ago,

Toddling, laughing as the vicar splashed

The holy water on her golden face.

And now she is a woman with a view

Upon the world and life the way

The writers told us it should be.

Fitzgerald and Jack Kerouac

Are men who make her pulse race fast

And wish to be another year

Into life so she can take to road trips

All across the dusty tracks that zig zag nations

Calling out with men, exotic in their lives

And wanting her to fall in arms

That soon will turn and make her weep,

But isn’t that what girls will need

To grow into a knowing woman

Ready to go out and roar?

I sat in a lesson today and I clocked a girl in the back row called Lily. I don’t know what made me double take apart from the fact that she looked the spitting image of her mother.

I was at the very same college I’m at a placement in now, and it was at the same time her mother was there. She was beautiful and cool and dating the coolest guy on campus. However, she was like me and was hating her time there. She left and got pregnant shortly afterwards. And she had a girl called Lily.

I dropped out and then got pregnant the year after she did and we became friends during that year. I was heavily pregnant when I was invited to Lily’s christening and I attended her second birthday.

I’m a crappy introvert who loses touch with everyone because I don’t like phones or coffee dates, so I lost touch with Lily’s mother. It was only when I saw this girl behind me, aged about sixteen, that I remembered that friendship.

Lily is a beautiful woman now and she was analysing The Great Gatsby like a boss. This didn’t make it any easier to match her up with the toddler that I remembered and it just reminded me how much our children grow and how quickly it happens. It’s made even more interesting by the fact that these kids are on the cusp of adulthood. They have fully formed opinions and soon they will spread their wings and fly. Soon they will experience all those highs and lows that make life so much like a novel.

Much Love

Rachel xx

poetry in motion

man in black shirt and pants doing yoga
Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko on

The first tentative toe touches the brazen ice,

Audience holding their breath, as she pushes away,

She looked like Bambi as she made her way to the edge

Of a rink all ready for a fight, for competition

Fiercer than a lion’s brawl. Ferociously,

They pick up speed and soon they’re flying.

That little girl, so dainty in her leotard

Is fearless as she hits the triple toe loop and

We exhale, we cheer, we say we knew it all along,

She was destined for the gold, a champion

In the body of a child, a fighter,

A master of the art.

I sometimes watch the ice skating on TV and I wonder how someone who looks so dainty can do something that requires so much strength and bravery. Furthermore, they make it look like a breeze.

You see it in all areas of life and I don’t know if I have a ‘thing’ that I make look easy. I remember my coach watching me when I was a swimmer and saying that he could sit and watch me all day, so I suppose that may count.

The truth is that it takes years and years to get to that point where it looks effortless. Those little Russian skaters have been doing that since they were three; that’s why they can do those tricks and make it look easy.

I was lucky enough to watch a lady teach English Lit today and she was like this. She was an older lady and she didn’t seem to have much spring in her step. I was worried that observing her for two and a half hours was going to be unbearable. However, watching her was something to behold. I was entranced.

I got the impression she has taught for many years, but one day I hope that I can be a real life grown up teacher like her.

Much Love

Rachel xx